Dallas update: You’ve no doubt heard the tragic story of Botham Jean, shot to death in his own apartment by a Dallas cop who claimed she mistakenly thought it was her apartment. Now, it would be unfair to say this was something that could only happen in Dallas, as it could, of course, happen anywhere […]
Political Football
Political Football: Indianapolis Colts v. Washington Say-It-to-My-Face-I-Dare-You’s
Indianapolis update: Indiana is, of course, the “Hoosier State.” What’s a Hoosier? No one seems to know. Oh, the answer is probably out there, it’s just that who wants to take the time to find out something about Indiana. It’s an odd state. Though it lays claim to being a bastion of rock-ribbed Midwestern values, […]
Political Football: Jacksonville Jaguars v. New York Giants
JACKSONVILLE UPDATE: Last week, Ron DeSantis, who represents the suburbs outside Jacksonville, won Florida’s Republican primary for governor utilizing TV ads showing him helping his daughter “build a wall” made of paper bricks and reading Donald Trump’s Art of the Deal to his infant son; we assume junior will next be introduced to the beloved […]
Political Fútbol: Dasvidaniya, Russia!
RECAP: Well, it was a World Cup that many said was the best, most exciting ever. The proof was in the fact that old favorites (Brazil, Germany) were upset, small upstarts (Belgium, Croatia) flourished, and many matches were decided by dramatic penalty-kick shootouts, the stupidest way of deciding a contest this side of the Electoral […]
Political Fútbol: France vs. ?
FRANCE UPDATE: When last we updated our French cousins, President Emmanuel Macron had just fallen out of love with Donald Trump because, you know, eww. The fact that Macron and Trump had ever played footsy in the first place would be surprising unless you know Macron, who is 39-going-on-Divine-Right. It recently came to light he […]
Political Fútbol: Uruguay vs. France
URUGUAY UPDATE: The first question about this country, the second smallest in South America, is how does one pronounce its name? Do it mellow, my friend, mellow. Mellow just like its flag, which is a gorgeous deep blue and white with a humanoid sun-god creature in the left panel that seems lifted from a Santana […]
Political Fútbol: Panama vs. Tunisia
PANAMA UPDATE: Nearly seven years ago to the day, Donald Trump stood at a podium in Panama City on the occasion of the opening of his Ocean Club condo complex and thanked Panamanian President Ricardo Martinelli. “You’re my friend,” Trump said, and as we know, that is an exclusive group limited to G-list celebrities, homicidal […]
Political Fútbol: Russia vs. Saudi Arabia
Russia update: This is the opening match of the 2018 World Cup, hosted by Russia. Being the host is the only way Russia could get into the World Cup because, though they’re good atlots of team sports—hockey for one, synchronized election tampering for another—they really suck at soccer. Still, they are formidable opponents given […]
Political Fútbol: United States vs. the World (Cup)
U.S. UPDATE: The U.S. Men’s National Team will not be in the upcoming World Cup because it couldn’t handle the juggernaut that is Trinidad and Tobago, and by handle, we don’t mean beat T&T—as it is known to friends—but tie. All they had to do was tie the Caribbean nation of 1.3 million people and […]