Dallas update: You’ve no doubt heard the tragic story of Botham Jean, shot to death in his own apartment by a Dallas cop who claimed she mistakenly thought it was her apartment. Now, it would be unfair to say this was something that could only happen in Dallas, as it could, of course, happen anywhere […]
Political Football: Indianapolis Colts v. Washington Say-It-to-My-Face-I-Dare-You’s
Indianapolis update: Indiana is, of course, the “Hoosier State.” What’s a Hoosier? No one seems to know. Oh, the answer is probably out there, it’s just that who wants to take the time to find out something about Indiana. It’s an odd state. Though it lays claim to being a bastion of rock-ribbed Midwestern values, […]
Political Fútbol: Dasvidaniya, Russia!
RECAP: Well, it was a World Cup that many said was the best, most exciting ever. The proof was in the fact that old favorites (Brazil, Germany) were upset, small upstarts (Belgium, Croatia) flourished, and many matches were decided by dramatic penalty-kick shootouts, the stupidest way of deciding a contest this side of the Electoral […]
Political Fútbol: France vs. ?
FRANCE UPDATE: When last we updated our French cousins, President Emmanuel Macron had just fallen out of love with Donald Trump because, you know, eww. The fact that Macron and Trump had ever played footsy in the first place would be surprising unless you know Macron, who is 39-going-on-Divine-Right. It recently came to light he […]
Political Fútbol: Uruguay vs. France
URUGUAY UPDATE: The first question about this country, the second smallest in South America, is how does one pronounce its name? Do it mellow, my friend, mellow. Mellow just like its flag, which is a gorgeous deep blue and white with a humanoid sun-god creature in the left panel that seems lifted from a Santana […]
Political Fútbol: Panama vs. Tunisia
PANAMA UPDATE: Nearly seven years ago to the day, Donald Trump stood at a podium in Panama City on the occasion of the opening of his Ocean Club condo complex and thanked Panamanian President Ricardo Martinelli. “You’re my friend,” Trump said, and as we know, that is an exclusive group limited to G-list celebrities, homicidal […]
Political Fútbol: Russia vs. Saudi Arabia
Russia update: This is the opening match of the 2018 World Cup, hosted by Russia. Being the host is the only way Russia could get into the World Cup because, though they’re good atlots of team sports—hockey for one, synchronized election tampering for another—they really suck at soccer. Still, they are formidable opponents given […]
Political Fútbol: United States vs. the World (Cup)
U.S. UPDATE: The U.S. Men’s National Team will not be in the upcoming World Cup because it couldn’t handle the juggernaut that is Trinidad and Tobago, and by handle, we don’t mean beat T&T—as it is known to friends—but tie. All they had to do was tie the Caribbean nation of 1.3 million people and […]
Political Football: Philadelphia Eagles vs. New England Patriots
Philadelphia update: A city best known for a broken bell and a cheesesteak—which, in its traditional form, is not made with cheese, but with Cheez Whiz, the second worst kind of Whiz—is not a place with high expectations. In fact, one of the most common civic discussions in Philly is “Do you smell that? It […]
Political Football: Carolina Panthers (11-5) vs. New Orleans Saints (11-5)
Carolina update: Panthers owner Jerry Richardson recently put the team up for sale after multiple stories came to light of his racist behavior and sexual misconduct. This included directing a racial epithet at an African-American scout—go ahead, guess which one—while also demanding that employees refer to him as ‘Mister,” which in no way is a […]
Political Football: Cleveland Browns (0-14) vs. Chicago Bears (4-10)
Cleveland update: Along with Syria and wherever Melania Trump goes to reflect honestly about her life choices, Cleveland is one of the saddest spots on Earth. It’s a sadness so profound that it can take bona-fide awesome things and turn them into awfulness—you know, like what Facebook did to the internet. Cleveland’s once-great-and-proud NFL franchise […]
Political Football: New England Patriots (10-3) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-2)
New England update: Most people think Boston when they think of the Patriots, but the team actually represents all of New England, a region of majestic beauty and soaring passive-aggressiveness. It’s also famous for its political independence, as it’s home to senators Bernie Sanders and Sue Collins, the latter a Republican whose no vote helped […]
Political Football: Washington Redskins (5-6) vs. Dallas Cowboys (5-6)
Washington update: Washington’s offensive line has struggled this season, ranking in the top 10 for allowing quarterback sacks (31). The team’s other offensive line, its nickname, is No. 1 when it comes to being virulently hateful and awful. Some have argued that this somehow makes the nickname racist, seizing on the weak argument that it […]
Political Football: Tennessee Titans vs. Indianapolis Colts
Tennessee update: Articles of impeachment were recently introduced against Donald Trump by Tennessee Congressman Steve Cohen, jolting Americans who were shocked to learn there are Cohens in Tennessee. (Who knew?) The reasons for impeachment are legion and sound—take, for instance, the day before the articles were announced, a day that featured the Attorney General of […]
Political Football: Los Angeles Rams vs. Minnesota Vikings
Los Angeles update: The Rams have been a big surprise this year, kind of how it was a big surprise that Roy Moore, Republican senatorial candidate in Alabama, had been accused of sexual misconduct with a 14-year-old girl. Well, a big surprise until two facts came to light, i.e., “Roy Moore” and “Alabama.” Colleagues said […]
Political Football: Los Angeles Chargers (3-5) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)
Los Angeles update: At 58, the Chargers are the middle-aged dude who leaves his wife/longtime girlfriend after misreading a bit of attention for want of a commitment. Chargers: I’m here! I left San Diego! Los Angeles: Wait. What? All I said was you look good in powder blue. Uh, I’ve aIready got something going on […]
Political Football: Indiana Colts (2-6) vs. Houston Texans (3-4)
Indianapolis Update: The Colts are Indiana’s team, just as Mike Pence was its governor before he and Russian Funboy Donald Trump were swept into office by getting 2,864,974 less votes than their opponents. Pence’s main value is as an Impeachment Cooler since his extreme views—he opposed federal funding for treating people with HIV and AIDS […]
Cal State Fullerton's Math Department Has More Problems Than Overpriced, Mandatory Textbooks
No Cal State Fullerton professor in recent memory ever needed a summer vacation more than Alain Bourget. Bourget is the math professor whose refusal to use the required textbook for his Math 250B course, "Introduction to Linear Algebra and Differential Equations," to instead teach from one about $100 cheaper created headlines across the nation. He […]
Why Did Huntington Beach Ban Naturists From a Public Pool They Had Used for Years?
And you drive. Out of Huntington Beach, out of OC, out to where stands the original In-N-Out and its company store, which sells In-N-Out-related T-shirts and hoodies, and maybe you smile to yourself because where you’re headed, you’re not gonna need any of that. Then again, maybe you don’t smile because, you know, Baldwin Park. […]
What Made the Weekly Great Is That We Were Always Mr. Nice Guys–Seriously!
Steve Lowery wrote the column Diary of a Mad County from 2003 to 2007. He is also the only person in the world louder than Gustavo Arellano. Babies, originally I was going to tell you about what I've been doing since I left the Weekly nearly 10 years ago, but there's really not much to […]
Fifteen Things You Didn't Know About Ryan Getzlaf
1. WHO IS RYAN GETZLAF?Over the past couple of years, he has been one of the two or three best players in the NHL. Big, strong, skilled and smart, he has the kind of all-around game that draws comparisons with Gordie Howe and Mark Messier. And he plays for your Anaheim Ducks. Of course, if […]