![Ticket Dodger [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/hey-you-Swapout-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
I was driving home from downtown Santa Ana late one night when I realized I had a parking ticket slipped underneath one of my windshield wipers. After venting to my friend later about how I couldn’t figure out why I was ticketed, she advised me to look at the time stamp—and that’s when I realized […]
![Just Payless [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/hey-you-LA-S-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Just Payless [Hey, You!]
You are the Houston-based rental car agency who took my reservation for an 8 p.m. Friday pickup and, when I arrived as scheduled for my mid-size sedan, had closed an hour earlier. That forced me to scramble in an airport, city and state I had never been in to find a rental company that was not only open, […]
![Bad Bag [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/hey-you-Dead-Bag-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Bad Bag [Hey, You!]
You are the ugly, green carry-on bag my family and I relied on for years. After decades of meritorious service, your first sign of advanced age was the zipper handle that would come off in my hand—as well as the TSA agent’s after she opened you at the secondary bag check at John Wayne Airport. […]
![Don’t Share Your Junk [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/hey-you-dicpic-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Don’t Share Your Junk [Hey, You!]
A group of friends and I met you on a Tuesday night in Sunset Beach. We didn’t want to meet you, but you insisted. We were in celebration mode, and Turc’s was the last place open for a nightcap. It seemed like you’d been there for a while based on how wasted you were, but […]
![Eating Crow [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/hey-you-Eating-Crow-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Eating Crow [Hey, You!]
You were the hawk that took shelter a few feet from my window a week ago. It appeared you were hiding from a bunch of angry crows. My back yard is usually full of crows this time of year because they feed on the rotting figs in my tree. But the other day, I spotted […]
![Draw Your Brakes [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/hey-you-Rotational-Differences-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180-1534454288.jpg)
Draw Your Brakes [Hey, You!]
You’re the guys with the sharp haircuts in the North OC shop where I went to get my tires rotated. You threw in a service inspection and presented me with a list of things needing repair or replacement, namely brakes (“down to 2mm”), struts, brake fluid and a worn serpentine belt. You delivered this news […]
![Baby-Stroller Bumper Car [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/hey-you-Heated-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Baby-Stroller Bumper Car [Hey, You!]
You were the mother pushing her stroller through the mouse-loving multitudes at Disneyland. When the crowd bottlenecked around New Orleans Square, your stroller wheels revved up my ankles on more than one occasion, each time burning my skin more than the last. “Do it again, and I’ll kick your baby!” I warned. “Maybe you should […]
![Hyundon’t [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/hey-you-Cop-Car-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Hyundon’t [Hey, You!]
On the rear window of your black Hyundai hatchback is a white sticker of Alan and Baby Carlos from The Hangover. I’ve studied this picture religiously because you’ve just as religiously cut me off every day for the past six months. For months, I seethed with anger, but I wanted vengeance. I began waking up […]
![Emale [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/hey-you-woodchuck-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Emale [Hey, You!]
Just because you edit the subject line in an email doesn’t mean you can introduce new information as if it doesn’t contradict what I said earlier in the thread. I mean, my original words are right there if you scroll down. Maybe you think I am too old and female and stupid to notice? Oh, […]
![Band Divas [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/hey-you-east-coaster-credit-bob-aul-348x180.jpg)
Band Divas [Hey, You!]
We all know it’s hard to be a band on tour. Certain bands don’t make it easy on themselves—such as the band of East Coast hipsters who recently opened for us at a local venue. Look, just because you can draw a decent crowd wherever you’re from (Wow, Brooklyn, you say? . . . Who gives a shit?), you’re not […]
![My Dog Is Friendly [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/hey-you-Poodle-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
My Dog Is Friendly [Hey, You!]
You were the surfer dude with the tiny dog (on a leash) who was walking down the beach in front of our normally very friendly but curious poodle. For some reason, after letting several dozen dogs walk by our tent with no problem, our little friend saw your dog and immediately sprang into action, barking […]
![Raining Fish [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/hey-you-fish-fall-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Raining Fish [Hey, You!]
Near the end of a long, lovely beach day, we were beyond relaxed. Until a loud splop! hit the sand right in front of us. I was jerked out of my reverie and looked to see what had dropped, what someone had thrown. What the what? It was a fish—a 6-inch perch or something. It’s raining fish?!? My other half said he […]
![Contain Your K-9 [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/hey-you-ZapDog-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Contain Your K-9 [Hey, You!]
You and your husband, who is a cop, constantly walk your foaming-at-the-mouth attack dogs without leashes in violation of a city ordinance. I understand you don’t care that your mutts continuously race up to me and try to bite my legs while I’m carrying grocery bags. You think the encounters are funny, as you insist […]
![Quackers [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/hey-you-Ducky-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Quackers [Hey, You!]
You are the two ducks that have attached themselves to the impromptu ecosystem afforded by the excessive sprinkling across the street, where a new building is supposed to break ground. I spotted y’all drinking from the puddles one morning while walking my dog. The next day, you took over the grassy lot that the new landlord is likely […]
