Band merch has been pretty snoozy as of late—put a bird on it!—but some have definitely stood out recently.
The Descendents (who performed at night three of Goldenvoice's 30th-anniversary weekend) are offering a plethora of goodies with cartoon Milo on kingsroadmerch.com/descendents—a (now sold-out online) red holiday-themed sweat shirt with Milo surrounded by the band's signature steaming coffee mugs and white-and-green Fair Isle patterns, as well as some classic “Authentic” Vans in gray and blue for $60.
For the Moz-obsessed, there is a solution to the monotony of unauthorized T-shirts and posters on eBay, and it's called Viva Moz (viva-moz.com). The London-based e-commerce site offers unique Morrissey goods even the most dedicated of fans haven't seen yet. While ugly/awesome holiday and winter sweaters have become commonplace now—and that's ironically, right?—nothing beats Viva Moz's Vulgar Sweater, with the effigy of Morrissey himself stitched into a green sweater amidst your classic Fair Isle pattern for the winter months. Offered in a 100 percent vegan-friendly acrylic green, the sweater is a bit pricey at £39.99 (that's about $62.06 for us statesiders) but so worth it when you see the reaction of your most Mozfather-dedicated friends and family . . . who haven't got a stitch to wear. (Sorry. Saw an opening. Took it.)
The matching football (and by football, Viva Moz really means soccer, but “football” makes more sense anyway) scarf is equally awesome, especially those familiar with soccer scarves all over . . . well, every country but the United States, really. The gray acrylic (and yes, vegan-friendly) scarf features the bust of Moz, with “Morrissey” scrawled across it—pick one up for £39.99 (or $20.16). “The turnstiles may make us hostile, but a Moz scarf will soon bring the smiles back. Oh . . .”
And if none of those suits your fancy, check out the Morrissey-shaped soaps, which kinda take this whole infatuation thing to another level. Handmade, lime-scented (anyone know why lime?), not tested on animals and vegan-friendly, these green-tinged soaps show off Moz in his smoldering, aesthetic prime (as well as capture the perfect coif). Meow.
Two limited-edition bobblehead figurines round off the finest selections of Viva Moz—one bouquet-clutching model of the 1980s Morrissey and one outfitted in a suit and slightly toned down for current-day Morrissey, each clocking in at £24.99 (or $38.78).
There's more to life than books, you know, but not much more, not much more. . . .
This column appeared in print as “Give the Gift of Moz.”