![Barftender [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/hey-you-Double-Dip-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
I am the customer who should have known when to quit. You are the bartender who took advantage of that. After I thought I settled the bill, you walked back over with the receipt and said, “If you mean to tip 20 percent, it should be this amount.” You then pointed to a number you […]
Coachella By The Minute: Weekend 2
Friday, April 20 2:45 p.m. Almost hit a girl with my car as she darts through stop-and-go traffic to run into the bushes to pee off Avenue 52. She didn’t even look up as she locked eyes with the otherside of the street (aka the toilet). Never had someone else’s desire to piss cause me […]
![A Lotto B.O. [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/hey-you-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
A Lotto B.O. [Hey, You!]
You were holding up the line at the liquor store. You had on giant, Coke-bottle-thick glasses and a Marine haircut. You insisted on standing at the counter, scraping Scratcher after Scratcher, determined to win a million dollars before you walked out the door. Meanwhile, the cloud of hot mugginess around you was the opposite of […]
Coachella By The Minute: Weekend 1
Friday, April 13 4:35 p.m. Coachanimal spotted in near the Outdoor Theater wearing a rainbow-colored fur cape and a pink, sparkly, full-body banana hammock unitard. Comfort means different things to different people at Coachella. (Niyaz Pirani) 5:02 Rolling into the parking lot and within a minute I roll past a girl in a sparkly […]
![Oink! [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/hey-you-Twenty-Pigs-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Oink! [Hey, You!]
Wearing an Army cap, but long AWOL on diet and fitness, you are the overweight, puffy, out-of-shape heart attack in waiting. I am sitting across the aisle from you with a plateful of morbid fascination as you contentedly shovel sliced franks with mustard over Sloppy Joes, pieces of bacon and corned beef hash into your […]
Lost In OC: Deep-Throating Tide Pods and Other Life Mistakes
I have never, intentionally at least, snorted a condom up my nose. I have yet to ingest a Tide Pod, though it can’t be worse than the sea urchin I ate in Laguna Beach in 1987. I got on a plane, flew two states away and still couldn’t get the taste out of my mouth. […]
Did ’70s Sci-Fi Cinema Nail Our Looming Brave New World?
In the 1970s, Hollywood was hell-bent on scaring the bejesus out of audiences with futuristic dystopias, churning out iconic, outrageous, science-fiction stories that imagined—and warned of—horrific “things to come.” But just how accurate were these filmmakers’ visions, most of which were believed far too insane to ever come to pass? Hold our Moscow mule! ROLLERBALL […]
![Lizard Hair [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/hey-you-Lizzard-Hair-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Lizard Hair [Hey, You!]
You were the lady with the Amy Winehouse bouffant driving a midnight-blue Rambler Classic down Coast Highway near Don the Beachcomber. I caught up next to you to see if you had thick eyeliner that disappeared into your black hair, and that’s when I saw it. A lizard was perched atop your magnificent ’do. Wonders never […]
A Look At the Most Memorable Music DJs in Film
In the roughly 112 years that Hollywood has been churning out feature-length films, radio disc jockeys have made for some interesting, if not iconic, cinematic characters. Record spinners really started appearing onscreen in the 1970s—back when DJs were still able to pick their own music—and here are some of the best. Stevie Wayne, The Fog […]
![Tattoo Fail [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hey-you-lost-ink-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Tattoo Fail [Hey, You!]
I stood for a couple of minutes at an empty appointment desk while you, the guy who was sitting there for the longest time before I came up, was now standing off to the side. We even made eye contact, but you didn’t seem to care enough that the couple of hundred bucks I was […]
![Finger Pointer [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hey-you-on-the-way-to-work-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
Finger Pointer [Hey, You!]
You were the driver with eyeglasses, black hair and a backward black ballcap featuring a bird-crap-shaped silver logo. A silver Acura began to drift into your lane—yes, that was fucked-up—and you totally overreacted. After that driver course corrected, you stepped on the gas, changed lanes to position your white Honda Accord in front of the […]
Lost In OC: How High Will You Be When the Big One Hits?
Even if you haven’t been in California long enough to experience one of our deluxe earthquakes, you’re already shook, I suspect. As a human, below our conscious minds, we have oodles of neurons devoted to the flee-or-fight instincts we relied upon during the epochs before we had iPhones and Jiffy Pop to sustain us. So […]
Our Inaugural Guide to Orange County’s World-Class Breweries
Orange County’s brewing history goes back as far as the 1850s, when Anaheim was founded as a German colony and its residents quickly turned the city into one of Southern California’s main beer hubs. Brewing thrived in this vast agricultural region despite homegrown temperance movements until the national ban on alcohol wiped out whatever was […]
Musink 2018 By the Minute Review
Friday, March 16 5:00 p.m. Various freeways surrounding the Costa Mesa Fairgrounds such as the 405, 73, and 55 were jam-packed, making delays in parking and waiting in line for the event awful. Many people traveled far distances for both the music and the tattoos, including all over Southern California, and places like Texas, Arizona, Colorado […]
![House Invader [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hey-you-shoe-lizzard-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180.jpg)
House Invader [Hey, You!]
You are the alligator lizard who came into my house! I adore all lizards, except your kind because your tail is basically a snake. You are 18 inches long—half of it tail. So gross. I tried to show you the door, but you disappeared under the couch. My friend said to get a cricket for […]
![Driving Takes Its Toll [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/hey-you-toll-road-credit-Bob-Aul-1-348x180.jpg)
Driving Takes Its Toll [Hey, You!]
So I’m driving home, taking the 405 south to the 73, but I get off at MacArthur. That’s two exits before the toll begins. But I spaced out big-time and instead exited at Newport Coast. This mistake cost $3.43. I paid it two days later, well within the five-day period. Ten days later, I get […]
![This Carnage Stops Now—Except for Real Carnage [Lost In OC]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/lost-in-oc-gun-slavering-maw-credit-jim-washburn-348x180.jpg)
This Carnage Stops Now—Except for Real Carnage [Lost In OC]
I hate to think I’m prone to racial profiling, but when I hear a mass shooting announced on TV, they might as well have a stock photo of an angry white guy because that’s who it’s going to be. Angry, pimply, teenaged white guy shooting up an Arby’s or a classroom. Old, angry white guy […]
![Snooty Shopper [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/hey-you-rhinopretium-credit-bob-aul-348x180.jpg)
Snooty Shopper [Hey, You!]
You are the customer who came into the small shop I work at and deliberately turned away when I said, “Hello.” There’s no hard sell, lady; I was just acknowledging your presence. Then you walked around with your nose in the air just like the cliché you are. You heaved a huge sigh, then yelled […]
In Praise of Orange County’s Cherished Brunch Spots of Yesteryear
Orange County is awash with trendy new restaurants catering to the latest food crazes, and brunch is no exception. And while nobody can deny the delight of drinking hand-crafted, bacon-infused Bloody Marys in the company of bearded hipsters, we instead pay tribute to the county’s cherished collection of old-school breakfast institutions, those reliable purveyors of […]
![Tesla Jesus [Hey, You!]](https://www.ocweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/hey-you-Tesla-Jesus-credit-Bob-Aul-348x180-1519407787.jpg)
Tesla Jesus [Hey, You!]
You drive a brand-new Tesla; I drive a beat-up Nissan. I opened my door and left a big scratch on your Tesla. “You hit my Tesla,” you growled. I mumbled a sorry and ran into a store. Then I thought about it: You’d probably call your insurance and find out I have none. So I […]
OCDA Sues AWI Builders Over Unpaid Wages, Taxes in Pacific Amphitheater Project
Back in 2013, AWI Builders were awarded a $10.3 million contract to construct a new lobby and entrance to the Pacific Amphitheater at the Orange County Fairgrounds for the Orange County Fair Project. In the contract, AWI agreed to pay prevailing wages and keep proper payroll records. Though a windfall back then, the company is […]
