Who would you imagine has written the worst song lyric ever? Jethro Tull? Billy Joel? Vanilla Ice? Rick Ross? Wrong, wrong, wrong, and, well, close but still wrong.
In fact, the pop culture perps are Escatawpa, Mississippi band 3 Doors Down, in the form of their 2003 hit “Here Without You.” Many would call the song “inscrutable,” but I have bravely attempted to scrutinize it.
It seems that, while “Here Without You” in fact contains the worst song lyric ever written, it has some stiff competition. Not just from the hundreds of millions of other songs ever written, but rather from other lyrics within the same song.
One hundred days have made me older/ Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
I'm not sure how familiar you are with the concept of time, lead singer Brad Arnold, but even a single day will make you older, and there doesn't even have to be a girl involved.
A thousand lice have made me colder/ And I don't think I can look at this the same
Okay, yeah, so he probably says “lies” or “lights” and not “lice” but none of those things make any sense anyway.
If you're watching the video, you'll notice that it chronicles Arnold's songwriting process, and he's laboring like a motherfucker. Like, “I need something that rhymes with 'face.' Hmmm. 'Ace'? 'Space'? 'Laced'? Drat, I can't come up with anything. Well, I guess 'same' is pretty close.”
The miles just keep rolling/ As the people leave their way to say hello
That's some weak Bob Seger shit right there, and again, no sense does it make. “The people leave their way to say hello?” That's not English. The funny thing is that the morons who transcribe songs on the internet don't even know what to make of it. This guyhas it as, “The miles just keep rollin/ As the people either way to say hello.”
But, as bad as these lyrics are, they pale in comparison to the song's next line, which just so happens to be the worst song lyric ever penned.
I've heard this life is overrated/ But I hope that it gets better as we go
Huh? Who told you “this life” was “overrated”? And, why, exactly, are you consulting people as to the quality of “this life,” the way you would about a restaurant or movie?
“Excuse me, sir, sorry for bothering you, but I'm wondering if you could recommend 'this life.' I'm interested in potentially living it.”
“Oh, really? Okay great, thanks.”
Apparently, this wise oracle was consulted years ago, and Arnold has sadly found him to be correct. Still, he's holding out hope that “it gets better” as “we go.”
Everything I know and anywhere I go/ It gets hard but it won't take away my love/ And when the last one falls/ When it's all said and done/ It gets hard but it won't take away my love
This is a subject/object nightmare. How can “everything” and “anywhere” “get hard”? And who is this “last one,” and why is she/he/it falling?
Anyway, thanks for playing, 3 Doors Down. You've got the worst lyric ever. I have to say though, the song kind of rocks.