This Week in Rock N Rollergirls

  From the producers of the ingenious hit television show Laguna Beach comes the greatest thing on eight wheels since double-decker buses: Rollergirls! This hour-long show throws you in the loop-de-loop world of the ancient sport of roller derby and exploits the prized, bruised-up faces of the chicks partaking in the bloodbath.

For those unfamiliar to roller derby, here's the gist of the game: 10 girls on a team, five girls from each team on the track (one jammer, one pivot, two blockers), all of them large-chested, gaudily dressed and slightly bitter. The jammer—set apart from the other players by a star on her helmet—scores one point for making it through the gauntlet, then one for each opponent she passes on the track. The pivot—distinguished by the stripe on her helmet—sets the pace for the game. The blockers—distinguished by their large, bulging biceps and filthy mouths—basically kick the living bejesus out of the jammer to keep her from earning any points. The game ends after four eight-minute periods—or after at least three teeth are lost.

But there's so much more for you to watch in this show than just the thrill of girl-on-girl hair-pulling action. There's the satisfaction of knowing these girls on a personal level. After all, Sister Mary Jane, Punky Bruiser, Miss Conduct, Venis Envy and Cha Cha are real women inside with real jobs like maternity nurses, special-education teachers and waitresses. Makes you think twice about not tipping, huh?

So catch Rollergirls this Monday night . . . because let's face it, where else are you going to watch a bunch of women battling it out for reasons unbeknownst to us? The Bachelor: Paris? Okay, okay, maybe. But use your jump button sparingly.

Let these girls skate into your heart. Catch Rollergirls on A&E; Every Mon., 10 p.m.

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