Attention, bougie diners: your e-mails are deafening. So you didn't like last month's Hole-in-the-Wall issue. You want to spend $90 on a pretty plate whose meager portions wouldn't even satiate a Sudanese. Fine. Here's a list of pricey restaurants, all where dinner for two would set me back a couple of car payments but for the rich is what they keep in their glove compartment.
DINNER FOR TWO:
¢ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Less than $10!
$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10-$20
$$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20-$40
$$$ . . . . . . . . Can you spare me some cutter?
230 FOREST AVENUE
The starter plates at 230 Forest Avenue give you plenty to decide among, including wild-mushroom strudel wrapped in phyllo with a dark garlic sauce; roasted-artichoke crab dip with warm herb-pita crisps; and salmon-and-mussel stew with white beans and applewood-smoked bacon, slow simmered in a vegetable fish broth. 230 Forest Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-2545. $$$
AUBERGINE
Tim and Liza Goodell opened Aubergine in 1995, and it maintains its a reputation as one of the best French restaurants in the country. The Goodells scrimp on nothing—and you shouldn't either. 508 29th St., Newport Beach, (949) 723-4150. $$$
BISTRO LE CRILLON
A quaint, Provençal-themed restaurant named after the village in Provence from where chef Chantal Berton's family hails. The cassoulet c'est magnifique, a hearty mixture of flageolets blancs (white French beans), confit of duck and three types of sausage. Simmered and baked for days on end, the result is a mildly tangy bouquet of flavors. 2523 Eastbluff Dr., Newport Beach, (949) 640-8181; www.bistrolecrillon.com. $$$
BISTANGO
California cuisine. When we're dining on someone else's account, we like the prix fixe. Key attraction: ambiance. A rotating art exhibit features contemporary artists of the West (for sale) and lite—we mean helium-filled—jazz on the weekends. Always a business buzz. 19100 Von Karman Ave., Irvine, (949) 752-5222. $$$
THE BUNGALOW
The filet mignon at this steakhouse is round and plump—like a muffin. Its ideal cut, deep flavor and tender texture make it possible to eat the entire thing without encountering a morsel of fat or gristle. In essence, it's a tremendous piece of meat. 2441 E. Coast Hwy., Corona del Mar, (949) 673-6585. $$$
CHAT NOIR
There is something downright satanic about Chat Noir, David Wilhelm's latest addition to his “Culinary Adventures” family of restaurants. It's in the had-to-sign-a-pact-with-Mephistopheles execution of his French fare: basil-fed escargot, three-way duck served in an orange-caramel dressing with Mandarin Napoleon cognac, and a dessert of profiteroles stuffed with espresso ice cream. If they serve these in Hell, just where do I sign, Mr. Wilhelm? 655 Anton Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 557-6647. $$$
FIVE CROWNS
With ferociously delicious food that destroys the stereotype of British cuisine, you can't go wrong with the Beefsteak Neptune (filet mignon topped with crab legs, asparagus and Béarnaise sauce) or the Jamaican “jerked” pork chop. One warning: prom-goers love this place—be afraid. 3801 E. Coast Hwy., Corona del Mar, (949) 760-0331. $$$
FRENCH 75 BISTRO AND CHAMPAGNE BAR
The most beautiful bar in Orange County—with prices to match. The resonant thunk of champagne corks popping will be the only competition for the jazz piano as you savor the basil-fed escargot and langoustines with Black Forest ham swimming in an herb-garlic butter. 1464 S. Pacific Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-8444. $$$
GEMMELL'S
Appetizers are memorable: a feuillette, puff pastry with shrimp in the middle, placed in an herb-butter sauce with shallots and parsley, plus a mousse of duck liver surrounded by minced aspic and sprinkled with cognac. But even better are the main courses—buttery Dover sole, New York steak bathed in a creamy beige sauce of brandy and peppercorns, or French onion soup. Salivating yet? 34471 Golden Lantern St., Dana Point, (949) 234-0063; www.gemmellsrestaurant.com. $$$
GULFSTREAM
Yes, Gulfstream is big, but you'll never be served an entrée that is outweighed by a power garnish, and no heaps o' chow that scream Claim Jumper either. Proportions are just right, as is the wine list. Desserts aren't a big deal at Gulfstream, but they make a fabulous hot-fudge sundae with candied pecans. 850 Avocado, Newport Beach, (949) 718-0188. $$$
HUSH
Hush is a wonderful eyesore, an anomaly among the run-down boutiques and faceless office buildings cluttering the southern portion of Pacific Coast Highway. Elegance is also prominent in Hush's menu, a New American take on such standards as rack of lamb, salmon and pork tenderloin that reminds me why people would ever plunk down $50 for a dinner. But when you just gnawed on chicken from heaven, with port wine slowly soaking through your soul, racial and class warfare tends to dissipate like the sun into the Pacific. 858 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 497-3616; www.hushrestaurant.com. $$$
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LA BRASSERIE
The Orange institution looks, smells, tastes and sounds like the French eateries your grandparents frequented, the type of elegant dining experience that once required pearls, a dining jacket and an irony-free martini. All the French entrées Americans endlessly stereotype are here—duckling a l'orange, frog legs, pâté, escargot and the like. But La Brasserie also stays true to its rustic Alsatian roots by preparing nine different types of veal, each consisting of young cow slices cut into large portions, battered with egg and nearly floating over myriad tasty sauces. Don't expect an abalone special in the interest of nostalgia, though: a plate of the stuff sets gourmands back $89.95. 202 S. Main St., Orange, (714) 978-6161. $$$
THE LODGE
Pot roast. Macaroni and cheese. Pork and beans. Meatloaf. These are American staples, but the Lodge expands upon them in ways you'd expect from talented owners Tim and Liza Goodell (of Aubergine and Troquet fame)–like a velvety roasted-squash soup; creamy polenta; and a lineup of prime, aged steaks. The Camp, 2937 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 751-1700. $$$
THE MELTING POT
It's hard to eat a full meal here, with dessert and drinks, without leaving at least a C-note behind, but the spent Franklin is worth it. Such a cost gets you a bowl of cheesy fondue, fine salad, French-influenced meat entrées and a dessert that's flambeauxed in front of ya. 2646 Dupont Dr., Ste. C70, Irvine, (949) 955-3242. $$$
NAPA ROSE
There's an appetizer called Seven Sparkling Sins, with all these different seafoods and other meats and champagne; it makes you forget Napa Rose is located in Disney's Grand Californian Hotel instead of some seaside French bistro. The duck and venison are fine, but the sautéed scallops with lobster sauce rules. Wine list is fine, too. 1600 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 300-7170. $$$
PINOT PROVENCE
Unlike other posh joints, where the idea of comfort is to make average folks feel uncomfortable, Pinot is nothing but inviting. The French-Californian cuisine and atmosphere manages to be classy without being stuffy, and the roasted-lamb noisette is one of the best cuts of lamb I've had. Westin South Coast Plaza Hotel, 686 Anton Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 444-5900. $$$
REMBRANDT'S BEAUTIFUL food
Rembrandt's may claim to do “beautiful food,” but that translates to hearty, plain fare done to nostalgic perfection: a Brown Derby for our county minus the starlets but without that whole wrecking-ball thing. This is truly the little steakhouse that time forgot. It looks like what the Velvet Turtle would be if they'd redone it Spanish-style in the '80s: stark, white walls; huge paintings; chandeliers; and filet mignon to the hilt. 909 E. Yorba Linda Blvd., Placentia, (714) 528-6222; www.rembrandtsrestaurant.com. $$$
ROYAL KHYBER
The self-proclaimed “restaurant of the year” unabashedly serves upscale Indian cuisine in a setting more suited for coats and ties than T-shirts and jeans. The spicy chicken Madras features big chicken chunks and sliced tomatoes buried in a potent curry highlighted by freshly ground black pepper. It torches. 1621 W. Sunflower Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 436-1010; www.royalkhyber.com. $$$
SAVOURY'S
Located in the La Casa del Camino Hotel in beautiful Laguna Beach, the restaurant is run by executive chef Brad Toles, captain of Team California in the International Culinary Olympics. He melds Asian and European cooking with a New Age flair. You can have your Brie and pad Thai here, and you'll like it. 1287 S. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 376-9718. $$$
TURNER NEW ZEALAND
With offices in Germany, New Zealand and Newport Beach, Turner is world-renowned for providing hormone- and antibiotic-free meats and seafood to chefs at posh venues. Their Costa Mesa nosherie cooks the meat to their gore-ific standards. The double cuts are thick and tender, not at all gamy—more like lightly peppered beef. The king salmon, meanwhile, features crispy skin and is served with sautéed leeks, saffron potatoes and a citrus shallot confit. 650 Anton Blvd., Costa Mesa, (714) 668-0880; www.turnernewzealand.com. $$$
YUJEAN KANG
A chichi, black-and-red-themed establishment with bamboo shades; a profusion of candles; and stylish, framed reproductions of '30s-era Chinese adverts, Yujean Kang's is an oasis of elegance. The cuisine is nouvelle Chinoise, with imaginative touches that've won Yujean Kang's a following at its Pasadena and West Hollywood locations. The taste of the their tea-smoked duck, specially prepared in a tea-burning oven, is exquisite, a true delicacy. 3333 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 662-1098. $$$
