The Worst of Coachella: Weekend One

Christopher Victorio

See also:

*Dr Dre, Snoop Dogg and Tupac's Hologram

*Top Ten Awkward Coachella Dance Move GIFs

*Coachella: Five Signs You're An Aging Hipster
*Radiohead at Coachella: No Alarms and No Surprises

The Bathroom Situation
The porta-potties at Coachella were truly repulsive. As the festival progressed, the combined waste of 90,000 accumulated, for lack of a better word. By Sunday not only was it unbearable to be inside one of them, they reeked for a great distance. And God you be barefoot (as many Coachellians were): the floors of the more disgusting units resembled Jackson Pollock paintings. The only opinion was to plug your nose and hope you didn't catch anything, since toilet-seat covers were nowhere to be found. Even worse, in the crush of people exiting after the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg show, some assholes thought it would be funny to shake the units bordering the campgrounds — while people were inside. It wasn't. -Kai Flanders


Worst Headgear
Nothing says “Stay away from me boys, I'm crazy,” like wearing a wedding veil to Coachella. Here comes the bride! –Neda Salamat

Douchebag Balloon-Popper
Sometimes, even at Coachella, people are assholes. Everybody loves the giant balloon strings that stretch across the Empire Polo grounds. They're fun to hold on to; the sensation is sort of like flying a kite. But one giant douchebag — some white dude in wayfarers and a white tank-top — was witnessed grabbing the string of balloons, walking a few steps, pulling out a pin (he had a fucking pin!) and popping a balloon before letting go of the others and walking off anonymously. Bystanders mostly stood around, mouths agape, mellows completely harshed by the incident. –Adam Lovinus


Mazzy Star at the Outdoor Stage on Friday, April 13
We should've expected nothing from Mazzy Star but what they'd always been known for: some good old standing around and staring at feet. You'd think that they'd have learned something in those years that they were on a hiatus, but no. They're still really awkward on a big stage. I was Hope Sandoval's biggest fan throughout the '90s, so the fact that they didn't blow me away was so disappointing. Plus, for the first three songs, Hope Sandoval sounded pitchy. We left soon after, and way before Sandoval performed the custy song “Fade Into You.” -Lilledeshan Bose

The Size of the Crowd at Sunday's Company Flow Show
Sure, when Brooklyn backpack hip-hop group Company Flow was in their '90s heyday, many Coachella-goers had not yet been conceived. Still, they're effing seminal, and their show was practically empty. Like, there were probably more girls named Ashley at the preceding Gotye show than Company Flow's entire draw. Shame, shame, generation Instagram. –Ben Westhoff

Gotye's (Fair Weather) Fans
And speak of the devil, it turns out Gotye was clearly booked for the wrong stage; when he started at 7:10 the Mohave tent was filled way beyond capacity, provoking an aggressive shoulder shuffle. It was difficult to see and hear his short set, but it was obvious when his hit “Somebody That I Used to Know” came on, as the crowd went wild, pushing hard to catch a glimpse of what sounded like Kimbra's arrival. Yet after the tune ended, the crowd quickly cleared — and Gotye was still in the middle of his set. Perhaps a full third of those in attendance simply bailed, forgoing some of his best songs. Tip for second weekenders: If you'd like to see Gotye get there early! –Gabrielle Canon

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