Good news, Deborah Pauly! The OCeeker survived a Muslim prayer service with his head still attached to his shoulders!
Before entering the mosque, the OCeeker stepped into the restroom to take a wiz khalifa. Whoaaaaa nelly, he thought he saw a row of Muslims dropping the kids off at the pool, when he realized he had accidentally walked into the ablution area, where they were washing their hands and feet in preparation for prayer. Whew! The ritual is called wudhu. And wudhu cleansing ain't nuthin' to fuck with.
Feb. 17, 1 p.m. Sign Near Entry: “Sisters Are Advised to Wear Hijab”
Allah bless Masjid Al-Rahman. They got one thing right: Women are separated from the men during Jum'ah. As hundreds of men walked into the musallah (prayer hall), the hijab-cladded women scurried upstairs for salah [prayer…and gossip]. The only drawback is that Jum'ah is mandatory for men and optional for women. So men: if you must go, at least they don't force you to listen to Fussy Fareeha prattling on about your weekend to-do list.
As he moseyed into the musallah, his concern about Fritos feet a'funkin' up the air was immediately assuaged by the air conditioning and a fresh scent that permeated the room. Only old-school Muslims walked in bare-footed, while the young brothers sported their socks. And be it as Muslim men are manly men, there wasn't a single pair of footie socks in sight. The young men dressed casually, some looking like they were on their way to Sutra in Costa Mesa. Many of their elders wore loose robes over their street clothes. Several sported kufi caps, the kind that legendary Cleveland Brown running back Jim Brown wears. A handful of white men stuck out like saltines in the sea of Middle Easten men, and a couple of black men were spotted too, one looking somewhat like Mos Def.
The musallah was bright and spacious, with no furniture. Upon the white walls there hung several pieces of Islamic calligraphy giving props to Allah and the religion's prophets, including Jesus Christ, who the Muslims demoted six centuries after a handful of scandalous first-century Jews promoted him from carpenter's son to Messiah. [Can't way to see His exit interview.]
The OCeeker observed several men bowing five times in a row. Not wanting to be outdone, the OCeeker prostrated himself on the prayer carpet. Not wanting to offend his Higher Power, the OCeeker took a prayer out of the ol' back yard football playbook and prayed thusly with each bow to the floor: "One Al-Andalus…two Al-Andalus…three Al-Andalus…four Al-Andalus…five Al-Andalus.”
A man who appeared to be Supervisor John Moorlach's Middle Eastern cousin talked about the recent table tennis tournament in which Masjid Al-Rahman brought it hard against other mosques. More than 20 mosques participated. Kareem Abdul-Moorlach then went all Dane Cook and said (what the OCeeker believes was an Masjid Al-Rahman team) made a strong showing and did everything they could to win, and, "I even tried to buy the trophies, but unfortunately, it was not meant to be.”
He may need to listen to Siddiqi, because the OCeeker doesn't think the self-professed “true peckerwood caucasoid messiah” has found balance. Peep Whitey Ford spittin' on Ill Bill's “Soldiers of Fortune”:
Masjid Al-Rahman at the Islamic Society of Orange County, 1 Al Rahman Plaza, Garden Grove, (714) 531-1722; isocmasjid.com. Friday services at 1 p.m.