The Bob Dornan Hall of Fame

Photo by Keith MayTo be considered exceptional in one's field, one must be able to produce on a consistent basis. And when it comes to homosexual sex, sex with poop, monkey sex or sex with the dead, the Reverend Sheldon most definitely delivers. In missive after obsessive missive, the director of the Anaheim-based Traditional Values Coalition (TVC) goes on about how all of the above are weakening America's military, putting children at risk, and/or forcing John and Jane Taxpayer to subsidize gay proms and fisting seminars. But let's be honest: just about any well-coifed, likely closeted, quasi man of God could write those things after feverishly poring over the mounds of gay and deviant sexual material that find their way into TVC headquarters, which is actually Sheldon's Washington, D.C., townhouse. It is the truly great ones (the ones that find their way into the Bob Dornan Hall of Fame) who are able to produce in the clutch. Since the Sept. 11 attacks, while America has been bombarded with calls for compassion, understanding and tolerance, it was Sheldon leading the charge, taunting Jesse Jackson to go live in Afghanistan. It was Sheldon who labeled the ACLU's push to keep church and state separate a “jihad.” And it was Sheldon who blasted the bishops of the Episcopal Church for imploring people to “wage peace.” Yes! While pussies like Jerry Falwell were backing away from hateful comments about the attacks being caused by an angry God displeased that the U.S. had accepted the gay lifestyle, Sheldon, who espoused the same sentiments, has called any talk of peace “muddled thinking” that “will only encourage more terrorism . . . There is, says Solomon, ' . . . a time to kill and a time to heal.' For America, it is a time to kill.” Boo-ya! What's more, Lou is passing on his hate genes to his attack/lapdog spawn Andrea Sheldon Lafferty, who is spewing at an increasingly impressive rate, including a recent effort in which she told a conservative action group that doctors were using fetal tissue for such mad science as putting “human livers in monkeys to make monkey-humans.” Ah, the nut never falls far from the nut.

Illustration by Lloyd Dangle

2000: Jim Silva. You'd never know Second District Supervisor Silva was an ex-high school civics teacher by the way county staff lead him around each week's Board of Supervisors meeting. But Silva knows what he wants: a 30-year extension of the Boy Scouts' lease on the Newport Beach Sea Base (“It's expensive to be a gymnast,” was how Silva explained his vote), a plan to use all tobacco-settlement money for debt reduction instead of health care, and a decisive third vote of the people on El Toro Airport—oh, wait, no, he doesn't, wait, now he does, oh, check that, no, he doesn't, but wait . . .

1999: Gloria Matta Tuchman. The terrifying Mexican-American schoolteacher co-authored with Ron Unz the troglodytic “Save Our Children” initiative—the one that gives Latino kids in our state one whole year to learn English before being thrust into an English-only classroom setting. Proving that narrowness begins at home, she proudly told a local magazine that her own kids had to learn Spanish in high school classes because she never taught it to them at home. Tuchman lost badly to incumbent Democrat Loretta Sanchez in the November 2000 race for the heavily Latino 46th Congressional District, once occupied by Hall of Fame benefactor Robert K. Dornan. She was last seen spilling coffee on herself at Krispy Kreme.

1998: Dr. Bernard Rappaport. The first inductee into the Hall formerly headed Orange County's Children and Youth Services (CYS), where he ignored complaints concerning at least one psychiatrist who gave young patients at the Orangewood Children's Home potentially dangerous drug combinations, illegal office drinking parties at one CYS clinic, a supervising psychiatrist who allegedly made dangerous misdiagnoses, and an Orange County grand jury that described him as “unaccountable.” This year, Rappaport attained another Hall of Fame first when he became the first inductee to die.

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