We know what you're experiencing right now. The thrill of getting on the road to Indio is too much to stomach (perhaps its made you barf already). You've strategically panned out your setlist, who to see, and how to get there the fastest. But somewhere through the mountains of people, under the unforgiving sun, or running from Caifanes, at the outdoor stage, to trying to catch a glimpse of Robyn at the Mojave stage, you're going to fuck up. You're going to do be that girl/guy that will be the subject of total ridicule for the reminder of the festival, and probably until someone replaces your dumb antics at the following Coachella. So before you get in the car with your flips flops and sunscreen here's your complete guide that will help you from being a complete asshole.
1. Don't Go To Coachella Pregnant
Before you get into a panic about this, hear us out. As much as Coachella promotes itself as being a peaceful festival full of art and positive vibes, things do get out of hand–mostly at night. You're not in the best shape to be running around, or God forbid you get pushed, because we're not just worried about you, but the unborn child inside of you. And really, there's so many toxins (i.e weed, smoke, dust) flowing through the air, why would you want to expose yourself to that?
2. Don't Go Dressed Like A Jackass
We're not sure when the shift occurred from going to Coachella dressed fashionably cool, to wearing absurd attire/costumes (we're thinking after 2005 when the festival went uber mainstream). People, seriously, leave the art to the experts! No one thinks you look awesome. Photographers aren't taking your picture because your outfit is revolutionary, they're taking it because you look like a damn fool.
3. Don't Do Drugs Where Security Can See You
We're not saying that you shouldn't have a good time–of course drugs will be consumed at Coachella. We're saying be discreet. If you're bragging to new found friends, inviting them for a hit, beware, people are listening. You will get kicked out.
4. Don't Drink So Much!
We get overwhelmed as much as the next person–who wouldn't with so much music, so many people, so much heat and so much alcohol? We've learned the hard way, don't drink at least during the day, it will exhaust you at a faster rate. Water is the best way to go, you'll stay hydrated and have fuel to take in the most music possible. You don't want to be that dude that is so drunk he can't put his shoe on.
5. Don't Hookup Until Sunday–If Possible
We're not saying having a Coachella fling is wrong. We are trying to prevent an awkward run-in, perhaps with your fling's new fling. You're going to meet so many new people, don't ruin it by having a hazy hookup, wherein you're going to be avoiding that person for the rest of the festival (because as much as you think you'll never see them again, you will). Try to suppress those hormones until Sunday.
6. Don't Be A Jerk: Leave Your Ego At The Gates
As much as you think this festival is "your time” it really isn't, because thousands of festivalgoers are thinking the exact same thing. Be respectful, be courteous to others and believe us, when you show love to others, they'll show it right back. HAVE FUN (just dont be a jerk)!!