Wacky Snacks: Cream Collon

Name: Cream Collon

Origin: Japan

Found at: World Market, Huntington Beach

Cost: $2.99


Shortening (grapeseed oil, palm oil), wheat flour, sugar, glucose, lactose, dextrin, concentrated egg powder, cheese powder, invert sugar, milk seasoning, palm oil, corn starch, liquor, salt, high fructose corn syrup, glycerin esters of fatty acids, sucrose esters of fatty acids, propylene glycol esters of fatty acids, lecithin, sorbital, artificial flavor, sodium bicarbonate


Why I Bought It:

I am delighted to say that the selection of this week's Wacky Snack is not solely attributed to its unfortunate name. Although Cream Collon is a perfect example of Engrish gone hilariously wrong, the actual snack itself is an open invitation for Freudian analysis.

Cream Collon consists of crispy, cylindrical wafers, the centers of which are filled with an off-white substance of semi-solid consistency. Upon aerial inspection these funny little bite-sized morsels look every bit as suggestive as their name.

Despite what you might think, the Japanese writing on the packaging doesn't offer a cultural rationale to explain away the queerness of name choice. If anything, it just complicates it. “Collon” is spelled out in Japanese katakana (an alphabet used for italics or as a signifier for borrowed words) as if to suggest the word is simultaneously exciting and legitimate English. Exciting, though it may be, unless you're talking about a village in Ireland, it ain't English.

Pronounced “ko-ro-n” in Japanese, Cream Collon may not be a spot-on auditory match for what we'd like to hear, it's close enough!

Tasting Notes: 

Although my nostrils were hit with the initial impact of artificial vanilla, my eyes found no such ingredient on the label. What I did find, however, were milk seasoning, egg and… cheese powder?

The egg I can somewhat understand. After the initial crunch of the wafer, the cream filling coats your mouth with a borderline custard flavor. The cheese I don't get, but so long as I'm not unpleasantly surprised with savory when I'm expecting sweet; its presence is A-ok with me.

Cream Collon is definitely meant for those who appreciate frosting, being on the sweeter side of pastry snacks. The good thing about the cream filling is that, despite its thick consistency, it doesn't leave a waxy glaze over the surface of your mouth. Containing 54 percent of your daily allowance of saturated per serving, these little guys are not meant for regular consumption, but they are damn good for a laugh. Bon appetite!

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