“Is this the world we live in?” It's the question drunken Sarah, eater of fondant bows, pondered as she was kicked out of the fancy Dubrow party. A rhetorical question, we think, but frankly, we found ourselves asking it all episode long.
Is this a world in which it's acceptable for adult women to give each other friendship bracelets? Are we doing this now? It was nice, we suppose, that Gretchen returned Tamra's “BE FRI” with a onyx-laden “ST END,” but these platonic presents are getting a little ridiculous. We don't think Tamra cried that hard when Eddie proposed. The Housewives are notorious for accusing each other of being “mean girls” or “in high school,” but nothing is more tween-tastic than fucking friendship bracelets.
Is this a world in which it's OK to send your wife to a party stag, show up later, and then ditch her again? Because that's precisely the trick Jim Bellino pulled. After declining to attend Dubrowfest, he randomly appeared in the middle of it, donning a shiny, paisley Christmas vest, less so to mingle with his OC brethren but to confront Terry about calling wife Alexis “phony.” Terry wasn't forthcoming with an apology, but was so with a small posse consisting of wife Heather and argument-instigator Tamra, who rallied around and sang another chorus of “We Hate Alexis.” Jim bailed, but not with Alexis, who went clickety-clacking in heels down the driveway after her husband's car, which was speeding away.
At which point, the rest of the ladies and their beaus pulled up a chair to hear the story behind the Bellino dust-up.
Vicki, clearly far behind on the news, starting shouting “Where's Alexis?!” and casually toasted her absent friend.
Now, whether or not this caused Tamra to shoot Vicki the evil eye, we'll never know. But as far as Brooks is concerned, Tamra gave his lady the death stare, and he was having none of it. He called Tamra, which she interpreted as him stirring up trouble. She yelled, she pointed fingers, and finally yelled to Vicki, “Stop letting him tell you what to think!”
This sent Vicki into that angry mode we've seen a couple times this season in which her eyes bug out and her voice suddenly sounds like a Weed Whacker. Something about “he's my man and I love him and don't disrespect us” or whatever was about all we could make out. And they left.
Or almost left, anyway.
Heather came running out to beg them to stay. She had a really important toast, she said, that she didn't want anyone to miss. She somehow managed to corral all feuding parties back into the yard to hear the amazing speech she'd been planning. “Make new friends, but keep the old,” she said, with a knowing look on her face. Hmm. Profundity, kids.
Then Heather gave away a diamond for free. Any chance that was the big thing she wanted to make sure everyone saw?
Which about wrapped up this season of O.C. Housewives, save for each star's little epilogue summing up where they are now. Most were both uninteresting and unsurprising, except for Alexis' which indicated she and Jim are opening a trampoline park. A trampoline park? That, frankly, is a world we want to live in.
Follow Ali Trachta on Twitter @MySo_CalLife. Follow Heard Mentality at @OCWeeklyMusic and on Facebook.