So I've heard some talk around the water cooler that Coachella has become too big. Too commercial. Too KROQ-ey. Really? No Gerard Way.Two Weeknds? That $h!# cray. Nevertheless, the Chelly will welcome its usual cast of characters: the Bro Montegnas, the Hairy Potters, the Cloney Deschanels, and all the new Cherry Poppin Babies, welcome all. But I could care less who you are and why you're there, just as long as you follow the creed: “Pick your poison, choose your own adventure, party hard with arms wide open.” Just remember to be a gentleman if you see a lady in the moshpit, or in need of water.
But being that this year is the end of all existence (says a Mayan named Bialik and John Cusack's furrowed forehead), I'm attending for one reason alone. My Coachella experience will be summed up in a single moment that I've been waiting my whole life for…to sing like a blubbering idiot while pogo-ing up and down to the chorus of “Disco 2000” by Pulp. C'mon and join me in the Pulpit and we'll do our funny little dance, and sing it all together in fucking brotherly loving unison: “Lets all meet up in the year 2000..” (See Disco 2000 below for lyrics)
If you're not a Pulp fan, don't Keith Sweat it. But its quite possible you may have been suffering from an overdosage of Foo Fighters and Wiz Khalifa lately. Your prescription: swallow these 10 songs with a full pint of lager. Along with some of the wittiest dialogue and storytelling you ever heard in a pop song. Repeat 2-3 times daily until you reach desired effect. Results may vary.
This is Pulp. Ten of their very best, with many more waiting to be undressed. A beginner's guide. A Britpop lovers' rekindled candlelight–it's fantastic, a woozy roller coaster ride. Don't be afraid of the voice you are about to indulge in; his name is Jarvis Cocker. lead singer and lyricist. Soft spoken, hardcore, romantic. A debauchateur, a thinking hermaphrodite's sex symbol. He is a genius.
Best lines: “Oh, Listen we were on the bed when you came home, I heard you stop outside the door. I know you wn't believe its true, I only went with her cos she looks like you.”
Best lines: “You started getting fatter three weeks after I left you. Now you're
going with some kid looks like some bad comedian. Are you gonna go out,
are you sitting at home eating boxes of Milk Tray? Watch TV on your own,
aren't you the one with your razzmatazz
and your nights on the town? Oh I'm sorry but didn't
you say that things go better with a little bit of razzamatazz?”
8. Pink Glove
Best lines: I know you're never going to be with
me, but if you try sometimes then maybe, you could get it right first
time. I know you think I've
got to be joking, but if you touch him again then I'm going.
7. Party Hard
Best lines: I was having a whale of a time until your uncle Psychosis arrived.
Why do we have to have kill ourselves just to prove we're alive?
6. Something Changed
Best lines: Why did I write this song on that one day? Why did you touch my hand and softly say. “Stop asking questions that don't matter anyway.”
Best lines: Such great disappointment when you got him home. the original was so
good; the one you no longer own. And every touch reminds you of just how
sweet it could have been
And every time he kisses you, you get the taste of saccharine.
4. Sorted For E's & Wizz
Best lines: Got the tickets
from some fucked up bloke in Camden Town. Oh and no-one seems to know
exactly where it is. But that's okay cos we're all sorted out for E's
3. Do You Remember The First Time?
Best lines: Now I don't care what you're doing, no I don't care if you
screw him. Just as long as you save a piece for me.
2. Common People
Best lines: Sing along with the common people.
Sing along and it might just get you through
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they're laughing at you
And the stupid things that you do
Because you think that poor is cool.
1. Disco 2000
Best lines: I said let's all meet up in the year 2000.
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown.
Be there at 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married.
I would be living down here on my own on
that damp and lonely Thursday years ago.