Carolina update: Panthers owner Jerry Richardson recently put the team up for sale after multiple stories came to light of his racist behavior and sexual misconduct. This included directing a racial epithet at an African-American scout—go ahead, guess which one—while also demanding that employees refer to him as ‘Mister,” which in no way is a bad idea when your company represents both Carolinas, including the one that started the Civil War. Richardson also reportedly asked female employees to his stadium suite, then showed up in bare feet and requested they give him a foot massage. He enlisted the “seatbelt maneuver” as an excuse to brush his hand against their breasts and often asked women if he could personally shave their legs.
New Orleans update: You know, because New Orleans looks, tastes and sounds so different and wonderful, we tend to forget that the entire state of Louisiana is really fucked-up. As in kill-you-in-every-way-possible fucked-up. FUN FACT: Did you know that for 28 straight years, the state of Louisiana has had the highest murder rate in the country? Who Dat? Dat Dead! Twenty-eight straight years! That is commitment. You’d think they’d have a down year every now and then, when people get religion or Wal-Mart runs out of ammo. Nope. In fact, if the guns don’t get you, the food will. Louisiana constantly ranks near the top of states with the most diabetes, which explains its recently reworked motto of “Louisiana: Die! Die! Die!”
Power game: Who said this? “He thinks he’s really great. You’re supposed to reinforce that . . . even when he does things that make you feel like half a person.” A) A Panthers employee about “Mister” Richardson, B) Attorney General Jeff Sessions about Donald Trump, or C) Unnamed Eastern European “matchmaker” to Melanija Knavs regarding rich, American “Mister”?
Consensus: We’d rather get shot than touch Richardson’s feet. Geaux Saints!