'NSync or 'NStynk?

Through the wonders of IMAX technology, a 12,000-watt surround-sound system, and the whims of undiscriminating prepubescents everywhere, 'NSync: Bigger Than Live is currently being presented on an eight-story screen at the Irvine Spectrum. That prompted us to send 11-year-old Emily Coker—who, like millions of others, considers herself 'NSync's No. 1 fan—to review the concert film culled from the pop sensation's recent “No Strings Attached” tour. The footnotes were written by her father, who attended the same screening.

The beginning was really cool. They showed fans waiting to get in, and one person made a Lance1 doll. It was really scary-looking. Also at the beginning, they showed how 'NSync gets ready. JC2 exercised; Justin3, Joey4 and Lance played South Park pinball; and Chris5 got ready for when they all play Hacky Sack6.

I think that they all looked so, so, so cute7. And, of course, my favorite, Lance Bass, looked better than ever!8 They all sing so well, too!9 The only thing is, I can't even sing as high as Chris can, and that's pretty sad! I mean, he's a guy, and aren't guys supposed to have low voices or something?10 Lance has a low voice, at least!

They also have the best dance moves ever!11 They do this robot-type breakdance thing that looks so cool!12

Because it was a concert, the songs were better than ever! They add all of that stuff to make it so cool.13 Justin does this thing where he holds his note out really long, and then everyone else goes from the lowest voice, which would be Lance, to the highest voice, which is Chris.14

I also really liked how they do all of those extra dances in the middle of songs. My favorite one was when they got to the middle of “It's Gonna Be Me.” They did this really neat dance! It kind of started out with a robot dance and ended with a regular dance thing.15

They also took time to say how they're so thankful because not even in their wildest dreams would they think they'd have been able to get this far.16 They also said how much they appreciate their fans and are so lucky to have fans like us.17

It was also so much better than watching it on my TV. And now, whenever I watch the HBO concert that I recorded, it won't look as good as this one did on the IMAX screen.18

The funniest thing was when they sang “Just Got Paid.” Whenever they sang “booty shakin', all around,” they'd turn around and hit their butts!19 It was so hilarious!

The special effects were great! They had fire, sparks, smoke and a lot of other things.20 And for the song “Digital Getdown,” it was neat how they made it like you were in the computer. Then it showed 'NSync like they were in the computer or, at least, on the screen.

The 'NSync band was really good! They had three guitarists, a drummer and a saxophone player.21 They were so awesome!

It was neat how they had the sparks fly when they sang “Bye Bye Bye.” But, obviously, it was the last song because it was their biggest hit and because of the name of it: “Bye Bye Bye.”22

So, overall, it was great, and I didn't think there was anything bad about it.23 1That would be Lance Bass.

2Joshua “JC” Chasez

3Justin Timberlake

4Joey Fatone Jr.—hey, goombah!

5 Chris Kirkpatrick

6Hey, deadhead!

7 A little too cute . . . a little too tight-leather-pants cute . . . a little too sleeveless-shirts cute . . . a little too sequins-and-rhinestones-and-shiny-silver-studs cute . . . a little too Friday-night-at-the-Boom-Boom-Room cute. Capisce?

8 Yes, for the entire 36 months Emily has known of there even being a Lance Bass, he has never looked quite so dreamy.

9 Think of the sound made by the disfigured victims of a Soul Train wreck.

10 I'm no music expert, so I tapped Weekly critic Buddy Seigal, who provided this technical explanation of the unusual vocal technique: “The group's caretakers keep them locked up and feed them hormone pills that atrophy their nadular glands to the size of sugar peas.” Thanks, Buddy!

11 Puppets with strings attached have more rhythm.

12And so 1983!

13 Like the ubiquitous, high-pitched, ice-pick-to-the-ear-canal-inducing screams of little girls gone wild.

14 Yes, the Mills Brothers must be shaking in their boots.

15 Yes, Mikhail Baryshnikov must be shaking in his ballet shoes.

16I second that emotion.

17See No. 16.

18 Thank God we do not have a tape of this dreck in our house.

19 See previous Boom Boom Room comments.

20 Actually, that was from my brain melting.

21 Who must go home and decide whether to pull the trigger on the revolver they're sucking on.

22 Don't let the stage door hit you on the ass ass ass!

23See Nos. 1-22.

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