Hey, You!

You are the one that lies. You scam countless women into believing they really can be sexy in a velvet track suit two sizes too small. You make the fat skinny, the flat-chested voluptuous, and shoulder pads en vogue. I stepped anxiously in front of you, ready to reject yet another item of clothing that made me look pregnant, but you reflected an image of Beyoncé Knowles in a D&G cocktail dress. Even though I could have made the same dress by cutting a hole in a sheet and gluing on polka dots, I believed you. And I believed my husband when he apparently got hard at the sight of me in a bag dress and marched to the counter to sign away my dignity. Now I have an overpriced bag hanging in my closet, and you have yet another overweight victim of fashion fraud on your conscience.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to “Hey, You!” c/o OC Weekly, 1666 N. Main St., Ste. 500, Santa Ana, CA 92701-7417, or e-mail us at le*****@oc******.com.

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