Look at Them Girls

Photo by Jeanne Rice2 Live Crew crashed and burned—but for all their misogyny, obscenity and hypersexuality, they understood the appeal of denim shorts when they rapped, “Girl, you know you look so cute/ Ridin' 'round town in ya Daisy Dukes.” The eponymous ass-grazing, cutoff denim shorty-shorts Catherine Bach wore as Daisy Duke were a revelation in skimpy but guileless style—right up there with the Jordache script or Farrah's nippleage. And just like Farrah—who, like Flavor Flav, gets her own reality series—Daisy Dukes are back, guaranteed to be this summer's version of the thong. You will get sick of them, but you won't stop looking at or wearing them.

TheDukesofHazzardremake drops in late June, featuring the bodacious Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke, and unlike, say, FromJustintoKelly, it's a pairing of epic proportions.

When J. Simp struts onto the screen, all denim and blond extensions, a chemical pop-culture firebomb will detonate, for the periodic elements of her assorted personalities—Sg (Sexy Girl), Si (Saved It Till Marriage), Ts (Tiny Shorts), Bb (Big-Budget Hollywood Remake) and Rs (Reality TV Star Salivated Over By Teen Girls and Pervy Men Alike)—cannot coexist in close proximity without explosive impact.

Daisy Dukes will immediately be coveted—again—by all of America's daughters, and cowboy boots (her on-film fashion fallback) will subsequently rally.

And if Jessica Simpson is smart (she is, if anything, an idiot savant), she'll hire a bunch of foreign kids yesterday to cut and sew signature Daisy Dukes with her name or face right on the ass. Or both. The profits to be made are astronomical, for the number of people who want a piece of anything Jessica is staggering. Simpson's Dessert cosmetics line (recently followed with a cheaper drugstore brand called Treats, a practice standard in the fashion game but revolutionary in cosmetics) sold very, very well thanks to Jessica's strangely compelling persona and wholesome gorgeousity.

Like Midas, the Simpson touch is golden. Wait, strike that: the JessicaSimpson touch is golden. Ashlee has another season in her, if she's lucky.

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