Take all the lovers you've been with your whole life. Now put them in a top ten list from worst to best just like John Cusack did on High Fidelity. Now, how you rate them is solely up to you. Be it from a performance standpoint, to impact, importance, length of time spent together, whatever it may be. Because one day in life, or from time to time, we will all look back at the lovers that made up our lives: the ones who came in, walked out, took our virginities, loved us unconditionally, stole our bass guitars from the back seat of our Toyotas outside a Dennys parking lot at 3 a.m. in the morning, (*ahem**bitch**ahem* excuse me…), introduced to our families, Alanis Morrissetted us in movie theatres, paged us “911” on our beepers only to say “I miss you babe” on the phone , and cursed us all to hell and death but still wished us a happy birthday a year later. You know the ones..
Listening to Pulp and the candid stories of Jarvis Cocker, I can't help but get wrapped up in all the lovers he's encountered through his lifetime. Every song ripped straight from the pages of his personal journal, like episodes from his telenovela, and I'm glued to my screen. With each song, another layer of this frail but enigmatic mans core being is stripped, shining a bright light that scorches over dimlit nightclubs and dodgy alleys, where he treads like bottom feeding sharks. Each tale brings you closer to the psyche and neurosis of Mr. Cockers wild beating heart. So full of romantic rebellion, angelic debt, and passionate sadness, cleverly penned in split dreamed up romance and bold detailed truth.
This is Jarvis Cocker's top 10 lovers in no particular order. Just a documentation of all the lovers that came and went and drove him to shake his little soul for all the spectators across the globe, from an outsider listening in. I'm just a birdwatcher of sorts. Hiding in the bush with binoculars outside of Jarvis Cockers window through the years of albums, lyrics, concert footage, interviews, and comments made about him. Transposing the scenery in my own way. Relaying the messages like a grade school game of telephone. Basing my findings on the infectious scars he left in our hearts through melodies he sang in front of the beautiful soundtrack and magnifecence that is Pulp.
10. SYLVIA ( from “This Is Hardcore” )
You look just like Sylvia: Well you look like her to me –
the way she wore her hair then.Oh, the way she used to be.
I've not seen her for a long time though I've heard she's still around.
Her father's living with some girl who's a year younger than her.
She's living in the country now yeah.Oh, she's trying to get better.
Her beauty was her only crime. Yeah, I remember Sylvia.
So keep believing and do what you do,
I can't help you but I know things are gonna get better.
And please stop asking what it's got to do with you.
Oh, keep believing cos you know that you deserve better.
9. F.E.E.L.I.N.G. C.A.L.L.E.D. LO.V.E. ( from “Different Class” )
And it's so cold – yeah it's so cold. And as I'm standing across this room
I feel as if my whole life has been leading to this one moment.
And as I touch your shoulder tonight this room
has become the centre of the entire universe.
So what do I do? I've got a slightly sick feeling in my stomach
Like I'm standing on top of a very high building oh yeah.
All the stuff they tell you about in the movies
but this isn't chocolate boxes and roses.
It's dirtier than that, like some small animal that only comes out at night.
And I see flashes of the shape of your breasts and the curve of your belly
And they make me have to sit down and catch my breath.
8. SHE'S A LADY ( from “His N'Hers” )
When you left, I didn't know how I was going to forget you.
I was hanging by a thread and then I met her.
Selling pictures of herself to German business men.
Well, that's all she wants to do. Come on, come on.
I don't want to try too hard. I don't want to wait too long.
I don't want to live alone, with all this crap that pulls me down.
Oh, tell me now, how would it feel, if I could touch you once again.
Where have you gone, where have you gone.
The moon has gone down on the sun, Oh yeah.
7. ACRYLIC AFTERNOONS ( from the album “His N'Hers” )
Can I stay here, lying under the table together with you now?
Can I hold you? Forever in acrylic afternoons
I want to hold you tight whilst children play outside
and wait for their mothers to finish with lovers
and call them inside for their tea. On a pink quilted eiderdown,
I want to pull your knickers down. Net curtains blow slightly in the breeze.
Lemonade light filtering through the trees. It's so soft and it's warm.
Just another cup of tea please (one lump thanks).
6. THE TREES ( from the album “We Love Life” )
I carved your name with a heart just up above – now swollen,
distorted, unrecognisable; like our love.
The smell of leaf mould & the sweetness of decay
are the incense at the funeral procession here, today.
In the trees, those useless trees, produce the air that I am breathing.
You try to shape the world to what you want the world to be.
Carving your name a thousand times won't bring you back to me.
5. Roadkill ( from the album “We Love Life” )
The feel of my arm around your waist, the pale blue nightdress that you wore.
Your hair in braids, your sailor top: the things I don't see anymore.
You lost your suitcase in my hotel room, a subway token from your Ma.
The sun reflecting off the water on your face & the way you drove your car.
All these things I can't forget tho' I don't see you anymore.
Drove to the airport thru' a traffic jam; a deer lay dying in the road.
Maybe I should have seen it as some kind of sign, except I don't believe in them no more.
4. My Legendary Girlfriend ( from the album “Separations” )
**Warning: these lyrics are too sexy for this magazine. Wear your satin skiviez, cozy up on your beanbag and google them. You'll get the jizz of it. Parental guidance required. Voyeur discretion is advised. The tale of this former girlfriend is legen- ..wait for it…
3. Your Sisters Clothes ( from “The Sisters EP” )
( also known as the sequel to “Babies” , about the pair of sisters Jarvis is involved and infatuated with )
Your sister knows. she wears your clothes. she laughs
at all those things you chose. Your sister knows, takes off your clothes
we use your bed for goodness knows. Ow! I left something where I knew you'd find it
Lift your pillow and you'll see. And he's coming round today
Check out if you're still alive / talking dirt won't change your life
Listen hard and you can hear her saying not to be so afraid
Loosen up and lay right down / watch her as she's going down
2. Wickerman ( from the album “We Love Life” )
Yeah, the river flows on beneath pudgy fifteen-year olds addicted to coffee whitener
And it finally comes above ground again at Forge Dam: the place where we first met.
I went there again for old time's sake
Hoping to find the child's toy horse ride that played such a ridiculously tragic tune.
It was still there – but none of the kids seemed interested in riding on it.
And the cafe was still there too
The same press-in plastic letters on the price list & scuffed formica-top tables.
I sat as close as possible to the seat where I'd met you that autumn afternoon.
And then, after what seemed like hours of thinking about it
I finally took your face in my hands & I kissed you for the first time
And a feeling like electricity flowed thru' my whole body.
And I immediately knew that I'd entered a completely different world.
And all the time, in the background, the sound of that ridiculously heartbreaking child's ride outside.
Like A Friend ( from the album “This Is Hardcore” )
You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the train I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end
Let me tell you now: it's lucky for you that we're friends.