Hiya, Kids! [Hey, You!]

You are my co-worker, and I like you a lot, but you insist on keeping a creepy, old and tattered doll on your desk that I can see every time I sit down. It’s some kind of old TV-show guy from the 1940s, a ginger cowboy with a ton of freckles on his bloated cheeks. He wears a plaid shirt and a yellow printed bandana; his pants are so old they’re coming apart. It was some family heirloom of your dad’s, and it reminded you to not be a victim or act like a jerk. I made the mistake of telling you how much I hate to look at it. Then I come into work this morning, and you had left this Howdy Doody nightmare puppet draped over my chair. I hope Howdy Doody haunts your dreams every night and you wake up thinking your own face is wearing all his freckles.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to le*****@oc******.com.

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