You're the district manager who made my life hell, and I'm here to out you in front of the entire county. Your favoritism is disgusting, and you chose to write me up, and you didn't write someone up for doing the same thing. You are a no-good, sociopathic, incompetent, faux vegan who has chosen this life to cover up for the fact that you're quite the opposite. There's a reason why you're at a sex shop, sweetie, and it's not just because you're unprofessional and disgraceful. Take your “zen,” get off your high horse and call a therapist. Call your church, too, because you need Jesus more than you need kale juices.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.