We all know who the most attractive video game characters are. Just about every website in existence has a “hottest character” list. But perhaps it's about time we show a little love for all of the characters out there that aren't so aesthetically pleasing–here are the top 20 ugliest video game characters ever designed. Someone put a bag over their heads!
20. Mileena (Mortal Kombat Series)
Mileena has all of the bullet points of what defines a sexy female character. Nice body? Check. Seductive eyes? Yep. Always wears a bathing suit? Check. So why is she on this list? As soon as she removes her mask, the reason is obvious. She has fangs for teeth and he voice of the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons. Sexy? No way. Imagine what those things can do to a man's body.
19. Boogerman (Boogerman: A Pick and Flick Adventure)
Millionare named Snotty Ragsdale by day, crime fighter known as Boogerman by night. Despite his classy secret identity, Boogerman fights crime in the most low-brow style possible. He use nasal mucus as a projectile weapon. He farts. He even uses toilets as a mode of transportation. Sure, other super heroes like Batman using an aray of gadgets and superpowers, but do any of them have the natural “in-stinks” of Boogerman?
18. Birdo (Super Mario Series)
If you thought having a chick with a huge hole for a mouth would be a uh, good thing, think again. Birdo's infamous for having a long, dark history of gender mix-ups and sexual innuendos. In the first edition manual of the North American Super Mario Bros 2, Birdo is referred to as a male that believes he is female, and would prefer to be called “Birdetta”. Regardless of what Birdo is, one thing is certain: it is one ugly girl/guy.
17. Wario (WarioWare Series)
Wario's kind of like his rival Mario, except he lacks any form of modesty. If his looks aren't enough to make you burp up your lunch, he also lacks the ability to hold in his flatulence, and is always eating garlic. Additionally, he's a fatso. Not the best ways to impress the ladies, Wario.
16. Q*Bert (Q*Bert)
What the hell is Q*Bert? Besides looking like an orange nasal aspirator, Q*Bert lacks any arms, and is known for his nose that looks uncomfortably close to a man's unmentionables. The disturbing appearance is suported by his mouth, as well. Whenever he gets hit in the head, he cusses out the world with his famous line, “@!#?@!?”. Does he kiss his mother with that mouth… or whatever it is?
15. Jimmy Hopkins (Bully)
Look at the smug look on this jackass' face. It's no wonder why Jimmy's such a terror at Bullworth Academy, the fictional boarding school in Bully. If I had a mug like that, I'd feel like the world owed me a lot.
14. Voldo (Soul Calibur Series)
Sure, Voldo can be considered attractive to some. If you're into S&M and necrophilia, that is.
13. Baraka (Mortal Kombat Series)
Baraka (not to confuse the name with Barack Obama), is one of the many unattractive characters in the entire Mortal Kombat universe. This ugly guy has blades everywhere. His arms, his teeth, and who knows what else. There's one thing that's endearing about Baraka though: he certainly has the biggest smile of any other video game character.
12. Mario (Super Mario Series)
Put aside all of the fond memories and positive biases that you may have with Mario. You may have never considered it, but Mario's one ugly dude. He's short, overweight, hairy, and sounds like an Italian Mickey Mouse.
11. Adelbert Steiner (Final Fantasy IX)
Steiner is the head knight for the Knights of Pluto in Final Fantasy IX, and is completely devoted to Alexandria and Princess Garnet. Seriously though, eyeliner? What kind of knight wears eyeliner? Then again, this is the world of Final Fantasy we're talking about here.
10. Max Payne (Max Payne I & II)
Max Payne has always been ugly. In the past, he'd always have that constipated/I-just-ate-a-lemon look on his face. Due to technological limitations, his face was always like that. Has your mother ever told to that your face will get stuck when making funny faces? I suppose Max's mom never got the memo.
In the upcoming sequel, Max Payne 3, he will look significantly worse. Just look at the poor guy. Is that vomit on his shirt?[
9. Guybrush Threepwood (The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Ed.)
Guybrush, what on Earth happened to him? He used to be such a handsome pirate in the 1990 version of the graphic adventure classic. The years have been unkind to his appearance, unfortunately. In the 2009 remake of the game, developer Lucasfilms Games turned him into the dorkiest looking pirate, upsetting dorky Monkey Island fans across the world.
8. Larry Laffer (Leisure Suit Larry Series)
Larry's the original 40-year old virgin. As middle-aged man who recently lost his job, Larry decided to devote his life to fulfill his lower urges. Assuming that the '70s were still popular, Larry dresses up in a polyester leisure suit with gold chains. The problem is, however, is that it's the late '80s when this game takes place.
7. Moira Brown (Fallout 3)
Sure, all of the female characters in Fallout 3 are ugly. However, none of them are as nasty as Moira Brown, the shopkeeper of the Craterside Supply in Megaton. Is it me, or does this woman have a mustache?
6. Tingle (The Legend of Zelda Series)
Tingle is a short, rotund 35 year-old man who dresses up in a skin-tight green outfit and red bootyshorts. He's completely obsessed with "forest fairies” and makes a living drawing maps. Not surprisingly, his father disapproves of the lifestyle that Tingle has decided to live, and often refers to him as "a fool.” Looks like Tingle's troubles run deep. Think you have problems in your life? Think of Tingle before you complain next time.
5. Falbi (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)
Little is known about Falbi. He is, however, the owner of the cucco flight game above Lake Hylia in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Looking at his clothing, it's clear that he once was a member of the circus. Bearded lady, perhaps?
4. Rufus (Street Fighter IV)
The character designers of Street Fighter IV must have been a little racist. When designing characters from across the globe, each country is represented their respective stereotype. Japan is represented with a sumo wrestler. China gets a Bruce Lee look-a-like. Who, among others, represents the United States? Rufus. The fat, angry, happy trail sporting, ponytail-wearing freak that rolls around as he fights.
3. Abe (Oddworld Series)
Unlike the typically hyper-cute character designs of most platformer characters, Abe is one ugly as hell character. For a brief time, Abe was the unofficial mascot of the first Playstation console and illustrated that the system provided a more "mature” style of platforming. Good thing that didn't last though. What company would want such an ugly face to represent their product?
2. Fable 2 Prostitutes (Fable 2)
A word of advice: don't participate in prostitution. If you must, however, stay away from prostitutes like the ones in Fable 2. You know, the ones with bruises all over their knees.
1. Clatho (God of War 2)
Boobs are great, everybody can appreciate them: Men and women alike can appreciate the beauty of their form, and babies appreciate them as a vessel for sustenance. However, bigger and "more” boobs don't necessarily mean a good thing. Clatho from God of War 2 is the perfect example of this. What she appears to be is an obese woman stuck in a manhole, being supported only by the countless rolls of fat surrounding her body. With so many layers of fat, it's difficult to distinguish between what's a boob and what's fat. Like it matters, anyhow. God of War's Clatho has ruined video game boobs for all of us.