Apparently, you don't need to stand in line at an American Idol audition to have
a shot at getting a music career started on television. There's another reality show that can do that for you: The Real Housewives series on Bravo has recently become the launching
pad for singing cougars. Of course, you have to fit the mold: female, over 40, wealthy, catty, and a body overflowing with
botox. Here are four Housewives whose musical debuts that have us laughing instead of toe-tapping.
Real Housewives of Orange County:
Gretchen Rossi, “Nothing Without
I feel like I shouldn't say anything bad about this song since it was
written for Gretchen's dead fiancé Jeff (she's donating proceeds from the sale of the single to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and the Jeff Beitzel Foundation), but it sounds like something Uncle Jesse would've helped Kimmy
Gibbler produce in his basement studio on Full House.
Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim Zolciak, “Tardy for the Party”
A catchy club tune for sure, but just another song to add to the list of
songs by someone with a crappy voice being covered by a synthesizer in order to hide how awful they
really sound. AND the title has the word “Tard” in it.
Real Housewives of New York City: Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, “Money Can't Buy
The best Housewives song to emerge thus far. It's definitely not good, and it's not so
bad it's good. I just don't know what it is. I definitely found myself singing it after seeing the
episode it was featured in. It also has the best video; the Countess looks pretty darn hot, but
the lyrics are pretty lame.
Real Housewives of New Jersey: Danielle Staub, “Real Close”
Just in time to prove her “loyalty” to the gay community, Danielle
releases her single while nuzzling the neck of lesbian singer Lori Michaels. Not only is Danielle the worst
“Real Houswife” and probably the worst human, but that also makes her the most entertaining
to watch. It's hard to believe someone could be so conniving and evil and have the facial features of a
Disney villain and be REAL. What does it sound like? Staub describes it as a “tortured lullabye.” She couldn't have been more accurate.