Photo by Matt OttoFRISBEER I used to be convinced that my friends in college invented frisbeer—”Dude, you just, like, fill up a 'bee with beer and then, uh . . . chug it!”—until I consulted the frisbeer page on Drinkity.com. Should you ever find yourself parched during a rowdy game of Ultimate—or just far too sober to chat up that cute vegan with the dreads standing on the sidelines—head to the nearest liquor store and pick up a couple of sixers and at least two plastic cups for every player. Players should stand 10 feet apart—in a circle, perhaps, or, if you're baked, a rhombus—with one empty cup and another filled with beer. Then start tossin', with the first player aiming for the second player's empty cup. Should the empty cup be knocked over, player two must drink the full beer; if the full cup is knocked over, player one drinks. Last one standing, uh, dies later than everyone else? MileSquarePark,16801Euclid,FountainValley;seealsothequadsatOCC/outsideanyREI,thewoods.
KEG WRAPS Why wait until you've had five beers—or, if you're like some people (Ziegler!), seven beers, half a bottle of wine and two cowboy shots of Wild Turkey—to collapse into a heap of your own hammered wretchedness? Let a few keg wraps take care of it for you. You'll need a keg—don't let no novice tap it, hear?—an open mouth and two functioning legs—all anatomy preferably connected to the same body. Have a pal pump the keg while you stick the nozzle in your mouth. Once said keg is adequately pumped, press down on the nozzle and proceed to sprint counterclockwise around the keg; when you reach the—how you say—keg cord's end, turn around and run in the opposite direction, making sure you are at all times guzzling that sweet nectar of stupidity. Don't stop until the cord is returned to its starting position—or until you're in a coma. Yourbestfriend's/parents'/vacationingboss'livingroom.
KEG TOSS There's not much that can be said here, except you should probably weigh at least 2.5 kegs before even dreaming of lifting one off the ground—and no, no matter how many times you shriek it, you do not, in fact, “got it.” Still, for those who'd like to try—legal disclaimer: your back equals your chiropractor bills—keg tosses pretty much work like this: grab as many friends as the keg needs to be emptied. Chug-a-lug. Eat six hot dogs. Pass out. Wake up 30 minutes later, pick up the keg and toss it. Annoy everyone else by waking them up, too. Farthest toss wins. Yourbackyard;or,ifyou'reanass,yourapartmentcomplex'scourtyard.
BOCCE BEER Okay, so I'll admit it: I'm the only person within a two-inch radius who hasn't a clue how to play bocce ball, let alone bocce beer. That's not important right now. What is important is that whatever your sport of choice is, chances are you can create a drinking sport around it. Top-shelf tennis? Jack-stroke relays? Hurl-dles? Gin-astics? Don't even say high ball—I claimed that one long ago. But remember: no matter what the nurse says, just because you can't remember who the president is does not mean you have a concussion. You're just a little drunk.