Five Songs About Shoes Better Than “Christmas Shoes”

Last Saturday was St. Nicolas' Day, an important day for Catholic children where, after leaving their shoes out at night, they awaken to find them filled with candy and gifts. As fun as the tradition is, when most hear the word “shoes” around the holiday season, the first song that comes to mind is the emotionally manipulative “The Christmas Shoes.”

Being we at the Weekly don't want to ruin your day by bumming you out with the mere mention of “The Christmas Shoes,” we've assembled this list of songs about footwear that are far superior. These are our Better Songs About Shoes for Christmas.


Nancy Sinatra – “These Boots Were Made For Walking”
You read the name of this article and just new that this song was going to be present. Good call. Now that we've gotten that pat on your back out of the way, this is such an excellent, excellent song. Whether you dig the strong feminist overtones or the slick bass groove, or the horn freakout when the walking starts at the end, it's a flawless record. If you've only experienced it as a pop culture touchstone, give it a sincere spin.

Atmosphere – “Shoes”
It's hard to go a day without shoes. Whether wearing them or seeing them, the popularity of these preferred foot coverings have made “shoes” a household name. Being it's something we can all relate to, Atmosphere's “Shoes” touches on those moments where, over the course of human interaction, the only certain grounds you have with a person is that you both have shoes. Off their Seven's Travels album, the track plays a few subtle tributes to Run-DMC, both in the nod to fellow shoe song “My Adidas” and “Perfection.”

Dez and Nobs – “Fresh Out the Box”
One of indie hip-hop's most underrated duos, Dez and Nobs laced their cult classic 2006 album Behemoth with “Fresh Out the Box,” a short tribute to those great moments you first have with a new pair of shoes. While haters are sure to hate, having that new flavor is ideal, and this song's guide to staying in-step with your new shoes tells those who toe the line with you to get to steppin'.

Carl Perkins – “Blue Suede Shoes”
Carl Perkins will let you do a lot of things to him. Ruin his reputation? Sure. Commit arson where he lives? Affirmative. Hijack his automobile? Absolutely. All Mr. Perkins asks is that you please, for the love of goodness, DON'T TOUCH HIS BLUE SUEDE SHOES! Speaking as someone who use to own black suede shoes, suede shoes make you feel good and look stylish, but require constant care. I can't begin to imagine the sheer vitriol that would boil in my viscera had my shoes been blue and then subsequently stepped on.

Uncommon NASA – “574s”
While there's plenty of songs about shoes, they can do deeper than a surface-level celebration of having fresh kicks. Case in point, Uncommon NASA's “574s,” a track about what a relationship to a favorite brand of shoes can mean to a person over the course of their life. From the loyalty of comfort to the presence during major milestones to making that first major adult purchase, NASA's relationship to the shoe touches something deep within the subconscious shoe collector in all of us.

BONUS BEAT: Patton Oswalt on “Christmas Shoes”
Again, we're really sorry for bringing up “Christmas Shoes” again. To help usher it out of your skull, here's Patton Oswalt breaking down why it's really not a top five dead or alive song about shoes.

See also:
Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy
10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time
10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

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