Eight Days

Thursday/Sept. 16:
Kevin Nealon
hits the stage—and maybe really hits the stage! I saw him bomb (and bombed) once at Luna Park, but even though he was bummed (and bombed), he was supernice. So if you just want to forget about the state of the fucking world right now, go ahead and escape away. Jesus Christ, I'm so depressed. Irvine Improv, 71 Fortune Dr., Ste. 841, Irvine, (949) 854-5455.

bless the Unitarians: they don't know if they believe in God or not, but they do know they believe in people! Even after the polls that came out this week. After your Potluck for Progressives, you'll be watching Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism. Commie Mom says it's super! 6:30 p.m. Unitarian Church of Orange County, 511 S. Harbor Blvd., Anaheim.

Maybe, like me, you are depressed. So let's join the Orange County Victory Fund and stop whining and start shouting . . . or in a very calm manner knocking on people's doors and being smiley and optimistic while telling them to vote for John Kerry and John Edwards. Precinct Walk in Tustin,or I will kill myself. 11 a.m. Call for info. (714) 562-1644.

If you were in a black pool of despondency over the state of our fucking country—which, ahem, we love!—I bet a good idea would be to see a play about Dorothy Day and Candy Darling! That's right: a play about the commie chick who founded the berliberal religious group the Catholic Worker (before Jerry Falwell was even a twinkle in his mother's outhouse) and Andy Warhol's Factory superstar, who I believe was a drag queen, no? In Candy and Dorothy, apparently, they come back from the dead to help a young woman deal with her life as it spins out of control. I'm feeling better already. Maybe. 2:30 p.m. $12-$15. Rude Guerrilla at the Empire Theatre, 200 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 547-4688.

Still feeling alienated? Me, TOO! But nobody's as alienated as a Goth kid, so come ride on this rag doll, baby, and comparatively, you'll feel like homecoming queen. Well, no you won't because Siouxsieis the homecoming queen, and you bloody well know it. 9 p.m. $35. House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-2583.

All I know about Sylvia Plath is that someone once mocked me by comparing a (-n award-winning) column I wrote about my dad's struggle with drugs to Sylvia Plath's Daddy. And he quoted, “There's a stake in your fat black heart and the villagers never liked you. They are dancing and stamping on you. They always knew it was you. Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.” Which for the record isn't the way I feel about my dad at all. I like my dad!

Anyway, the Banned Book Club this week discusses The Bell Jar. Ashcroft's totally coming to get you. 7 p.m. Barnes N Noble, 7777 Edinger Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 897-8781.

Once I worked in a Spanish restaurant for four weeks, weekends only, and the owner was so crazy and abusive he was famous among restaurant owners for being crazy and abusive. So one night the only thing that was holding me there was the fact that my dad was coming up for his birthday to watch the Flamenco show. (It was a really great Flamenco show.) When he called to say he couldn't make it, I quit and walked out. Flamenco dancers accompany guitarist Jose Tanakaat Habana. I am giving you a night off from protesting only because it's cultural. 8:15 N 9 p.m. Habana Restaurant, the Lab, 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-0176.

Thursday/Sept. 23:
So apparently on Thursdays at 17th and Bristol, there's a Weekly Protest? Well, I live on this corner (not on the actual corner; I won't be homeless for at least another month or so), and I have never seen them. So why don't we help out and make their No War in Iraq, Santa Ana-Styleprotest BIG and WONDERFUL?! Then, if it's anything like the Gulf War protests we had when I was in school, the jocks counterprotesting across the street will come over and rip our signs and shove my mom. Oh, yeah: and drive their car up onto the sidewalk and paralyze a girl. FUN! 5:30 p.m. Santa Ana College, Bristol N 17th, Santa Ana; di*********@ho*****.com.

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