Illustration by Bob AulYou were the guy at the Orange County Fair who gave me his extra ticket for the Roxy Music concert. Sure, I thought you were an ax murderer at first. But to see Bryan Ferry from the orchestra section? Well, I was willing to take the risk. Thanks for not being an ax murderer—or even a jerk. And you wouldn't even let me thank you. I didn't get to tell you my sob story—that I am unemployed and broke and that purchasing a ticket even in the cheap seats would have been my big splurge for the month. Plus, my friends flaked on me at the last minute. But instead, I got to almost touch Bryan's hand from the 10th row for free (three times)! If you're gay, I am not surprised—that's the only kind of man I am capable of attracting anymore. No matter . . . love really is the drug!

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