[CD Review] Rick Ross, Trilla (Def Jam/Slip-n-Slide/Poe Boy Entertainment)

[OC Weekly offers some helpful advice to Miami-based rapper Rick Ross, free of charge.]

A) First of all, don't do your shout-out track as an intro. No one cares that you like the city of Chicago. B) If you're going to have DJ Khaled do an interlude, ask him to not refer to you as “the definition of the projects” because that doesn't make any sense. C) For God's sake, put Akon on your album. Your flow, while deep and, uh, boss-like, is nonetheless quite monotonous, and your cadence rarely varies. But, as everyone knows, Akon's hooks make everything okay. D) “Money Make Me Cum” is a really disgusting song. E) “This Me” is actually pretty good. DJ Toomp doesn't seem to be able to do much wrong recently. Good call. F) If you're going to have Lil Wayne on your album—which is now required by law—don't let him outshine you. It's practically written into his contract that he must suck as a guest rapper, but you're still going to have to come up with better lines than “Need a blowjob? My motto: Get a model for the job.” G) Lose some weight. That tip has nothing to do with this album, but hyper-obesity promotes non-alcoholic fatty-liver disease and sleep apnea. Real talk.

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