|Photo courtesy of Peter Beste|
SCARED OF COMMITMENT
Dear Willie D:
I need help. I am 19 years old and ever since I can remember I have had no interest in having a girlfriend. I love women, but basically I never saw the point in being with just one.
The idea of being with someone exclusively scared the heck out of me until I met my current girlfriend. We have been together nearly a year. I love my girlfriend; I really do. However, it scares me even more that I think I have met the girl I want to marry at 19.
The old me wants to break free, and live it up while the new me wants to stay with her. What do I do?
Don't overanalyze this. You're afraid because you're not ready. But you don't have to be ready. You're 19 years old. You have plenty of time to get serious, and fall in love. I know it's easier said than done, but talk to your girlfriend, and tell her how you feel. You never know; she might be having the same reservations.
Staying in a relationship out of obligation can be suffocating, and cause resentment on both sides. So take it slow and easy. When you're undoubtedly ready to be committed to one girl, wild horses couldn't drag you away.
LIVING WITH IN-LAWS
Dear Willie D:
I am 20 years old and my husband-to-be is 21 years old. We met when I was 16 and had a baby together after I had turned 17, so we were teen parents. At the time I was living with my aunt. One day she decided to kick me out at six months pregnant because I decided to leave school, and just wanted to be lazy at home. I wouldn't go to work because I was always vomiting and worked in fast food. So I had no choice but to go live with him at his mom's house.
So now my son is going on three years old and we are still living here. Over time we have gotten to a way better situation. Now instead of working fast food and retail, I work for an attorney as a case manager and my boyfriend is part of the oil-field industry. We make good money for our age, but we are a bit irresponsible; I can admit to this. My son always has the newest of everything.
I know people way older than me living with their mother-in-law and have more than one child. Actually, my boyfriend's brother lives with us also, along with his wife and two children in one room. We have started making plans to move as we hope to have raised enough money by this coming year to purchase a home. I pay a portion of the bills at my in-laws', and try to show my appreciation as much as possible.
Should I be embarrassed for continuing to live with my boyfriend's mother and move out or should I just stay until we can save up enough money to purchase a home?
Shacking With In-Laws:
Living with in-laws can be stressful and emotionally draining; particularly if you have a child. You're not a freeloader. You're pulling your weight by helping out with paying bills, so you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Many people in America believe turning 18 is a mandatory leave-the-nest date. Although I left home at 18, I'm not one of those people.
I don't see anything wrong with parents allowing their child, and in some cases their child's spouse and kids, to live with them; especially in situations where money is an issue. Moving out of your parents' house should be determined by your desire to be independent or inability to live in harmony, not by your age.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
WONDERING WILL WE GET ANOTHER WILLIE D ALBUM
Dear Willie D:
I am sorry for approaching you on this level especially when this column is more about relationships and personal issues but, I wanted to know will there be another Willie D album? I love "Play Witcha Mama" and I still bang it to this day like it just came out. I can definitely say that you address topics that people need to hear.
It is a lot of things going on in society right now [sic], and I know that you can put it all in perspective through your music. Other rappers really don't talk about things that are worth even speaking on. I feel this is the reason many of today's youth are headed nowhere fast. Maybe you can talk some sense into them. Thank you.
I am humbled by your support, and interest in my music career. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling the music industry right now. The game is stagnant; however, there are some rappers out there that are very good. It's just that you have to look for them because most of them are not mainstream.
But if you guys keep sending me letters like this, I might get motivated enough to go in on all of the madness you alluded to. Don't say I didn't warn you!
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Dear Willie D:
I'm what some people may consider a hunter. I like meeting guys, getting to know them and being intimate with them if the vibe is right. I have a friend who I hang out with and talk on the phone with a lot. Every so often we'll hang out, and I'll invite him in for a nightcap, and of course more sex.
What I really like about being just friends with him is I get to have his hot body all to me, and don't have to stress over whether or not he's being unfaithful. Sometimes when we hang out I might see a guy friend or a new guy that I want to get to know, and I'll just tell him I'm leaving with the guy.
There's no fussing or trying to explain anything. The next time I talk to him there's no animosity or drama. I like the simplification of it all. For the first 35 years of my life I lived as society wanted me to. Now I'm doing what makes me happy.
If you like it, I love it.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back soon for more of his best answers.