|Photo courtesy of Peter Beste|
CLASHING WITH MY LAZY, ENTITLED BROTHER
Dear Willie D
On Thanksgiving Day, I got into it with my older brother as usual. That lazy 46-year-old manchild had the gall to ask my 78-year-old father to fix his plate. After everyone had eaten, were relaxing watching football, and my daughter was cleaning up the dinner dishes, he blows through the door late and wants my dad to fix him a plate. My parents are getting older; that's why I cooked this year to take the load off my dad.
At their age we need to be taking care of our parents, not the other way around. He thinks it's funny. I want to burn the skin off his face then make him choke on it. We fight every year during the holidays.
I know it upsets my parents and daughter. It's stupid and pointless, but seemingly unavoidable. How can we fix this?
Some siblings get a thrill from causing mischief and chaos, and for the most part parents are to blame because it's their job from day one to teach their children the importance of sticking together, and to protect them from toxic and abusive behaviors from anyone – including a sibling. Try talking to your brother about his selfish ways and tell him how it affects you and the rest of the family. If you've said anything in the past to humiliate him, swallow your pride and sincerely apologize.
If your apology falls on deaf ears, why put yourself through unnecessary stress? Stop going to family gatherings when you know he'll be there, or host your own and don't invite him. If your parents or anyone else have a problem with it, they can exercise their option to not attend.
I used to feel obligated to attend family gatherings; not anymore. I love my family, but there's a few members who are stuck on stupid in a destructive pattern, so I avoid them by all means. Family is more than blood; it's the reciprocated loyalty, respect and love you have in your heart for someone. If I don't feel those emotions, they're not family.
Dear Willie D:
I walked in on my girl of ten years having sex with her cousin. Can you let that go?
I hope that's a rhetorical question. Otherwise, I'm going to start thinking something's wrong with you. I wouldn't let it go regardless of who I caught my girl having sex with. But I'm curious to know; did she sleep with her first, second, third or way-down-the-line cousin?
We're all related to some degree, so in regards to climbing your family tree for a roll in the hay, my opinion is way-down-the-line don't count. But you have to be careful about reproduction. I hear those kids don't come out right.
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WILL HE EVER RESPECT ME?
Dear Willie D:
My boyfriend is the worst. He treats me like crap and talks down to me. He is always online looking for women, but he wont leave me. He has beaten me, stole from me, and spat in my face. We are now homeless.
I work part-time, and have two children. He works full-time and won't help me pay for our hotel room. Every payday he takes his check, goes over to his sister's house, and comes back broke. My question to you is, will he ever respect me and treat me right if I don't leave him?
Treated Like Crap:
Sound like a great catch. He cheats on you, steals from you, spits in your face, and beats you. You're homeless with two kids and a man who disrespects you and bums off of you. What kind of sense does that make?
One of my mother's favorite sayings was, “I can do bad by myself.” Dude is not even capable of respecting you or treating you right. Your boyfriend is trash. The sooner you dump him, the sooner he will stop stinking up your life.
FINDING MY FATHER
Dear Willie D:
After 26 years, my mom told me who my father is. I'm not really with using social media and I'm really a private person. How should I go about contacting him?
There are more than 1 billion users on Facebook; create a free account and start there. If possible, ask your mother to provide you with a picture of your father along with his age, birthdate and cities she's known him to live in. Knowing the names of his parents, siblings, friends, or other children, if he has any, could also come in handy. Additionally, you could search the Web or a public records site like Inome or you could post an ad in the local newspaper.
If you still can't find him and you can afford it, hire a private investigator. Assuming your father is alive and well, when you find him don't take for granted he hasn't been looking for you or thinking about you. There are two sides to every story and so far you've only heard one.
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