Welcome to Ask Willie D, where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, “funny, serious or unpredictable.” Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
|Photo courtesy of Peter Beste|
PEERS PRESSURING ME TO DRINK
Dear Willie D:
I'm an 18-year-old freshman in college. I went to a frat party and my new friends were trying to get me to drink. The more I said no, the more they tried to pressure me, but I stuck to my guns. Even though I had no intentions to drink and I kept telling them no, the pressure they put on me almost made me cave in. After you hear, “Come on just one shot,” “Do it for the team” or “To friends” for the millionth time it becomes taxing.
How do I enjoy my college experience when the best part about college is the parties, and the worst part about the parties is people pressuring me to drink alcohol when I don't want to?
When you attend parties and social gatherings, the choice to drink often boils down to the company you keep. If the people you came to party with are knocking down shots, chances are you're going to join them. It's human nature to not want to be left out and for some reason most people think it's impolite to refuse a drink when offered one. But if someone insists on you drinking alcohol after you've refused, they're the one being impolite, not you.
If you don't want to drink, simply tell them you don't want to drink. If you prefer the diplomatic approach tell them something like, “Maybe next time” or “I can't because I'm the designated driver.” The college students who wish they could take back the excessive partying that compromised their grades and the ones who experienced that toxic night of drinking when they had unprotected or unconscious sex with a stranger is an onion with many layers.
Whatever you do, play it smart. Your education and health depends on it; not to mention your dignity.
Dear Willie D:
I am a very private person who talks to few people about my problems. I was once with this guy who was chasing the streets instead of chasing our dreams together. When I first met him I thought he was an understanding guy until he started getting heavy into the streets and abandoned me. For two years straight into the relationship, he was in and out of jail constantly, but he would always tell me he loved me and was going to change.
Well, to make a long story short, he got out and started mentally, physically and verbally abusing me. I used to blame myself but knew deep down inside it wasn't me. He ended up going back to jail, at which point he confessed he was cheating on me but couldn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. When he told me that, I was so crushed to get revenge I had a one-night stand with a guy I knew.
As a result I got pregnant, but the guy who was locked up thought the child was his, and when he was released he took the infant from me out of spite. I told him it's not his but he insists it is. I have gotten the police involved but they keep saying it's a civil matter. How is that, and he is not on the birth certificate? What can I do? I'm fed up and this has taken a toll on me!
It would have been helpful if you had mentioned under which conditions your ex took your baby. If you gave him the baby to take for the weekend and he never returned her, that's one thing. But if he just showed up at your house and took the baby by force then that's kidnapping, and the police should have gotten involved. If you believe your situation is a criminal matter contact the police department again and speak to a different officer; some cops are brighter than others.
You could also make an inquiry with the FBI. If that doesn't work, your next step would be to consult with an attorney who practices family law. It will cost you money but a simple court ordered DNA test would ascertain whether he is the father or not. Even if he is the father, the courts rarely consider parents with criminal records to be suitable legal guardians. Getting your daughter back is the easy part; standing up to your ex, well that's a different story.
More Willie D on the next page.
I TRY TO BE MEAN TO GIRLS LIKE THE LYRICS IN YOUR SONGS
Dear Willie D:
I really enjoy your music and I try to emulate and do things in your songs. But after reading your advice column I realized that you were probably just joking or you were only like that in the past. I'm 21 years old and I met a girl through my friends at a bar. She was really friendly. But her ex who went to my school messaged me and said, don't trust her because she cheated on him.
One time she was telling me that my new pickup line to pick up girls when I go to bars with her should be, "Sex is a beautiful thing, want me to show you?” I told her it was too direct and corny, but she claimed girls would sleep with me if I said it. Then she dropped something and I tried emulating your lyrics. Instead of picking it up, I just slapped her butt and she almost slipped. She kept asking me to come to her house, but trying to emulate you I acted like a jerk and said no and she would keep saying, why not?
I wanted to take the jerk thing to the next level, so as she was making me eggs one morning I said, we have no chemistry and she seemed upset, but didn't respond. At a party she invited me to she said that she wanted to "play fight” me, but I refused and she punched me a few times and I told her to chill. She seems to want to prove she's tough. Anyway, later at the party someone asked for her age and she didn't want to reveal it. I retorted by saying, you know she's old when she doesn't want to say her age. Again, she was upset at me.
After all this I was at her house watching TV and she had fallen asleep. I knocked on her bedroom door at seven in the morning, woke her up and asked her if I could sleep in her bed, and she said, no. I couldn't believe it. Willie, does being the bad boy work for women, especially younger women? Because I'm trying to be the guy from "I'm Not A Gentleman” and "Gangsta of Love” it only makes females hate me.
You are a funny dude. Women don't like jerks, they like bad boys. I guess I'm sort of a refined bad boy. While I did exhibit some characteristics of being un-gentleman-like in my younger days, as with many songs, "I'm Not a Gentlemen” was exaggerated for entertainment purposes. The intent of the song was not for you to treat women like dirt; it was to not allow women to treat you like a doormat. Men fall for bodies, while women fall for personalities. Sure, a woman will sleep with Denzel Washington, but if he is boring and has no spine she will lose interest.
Women like challenges. They; especially the younger ones, want someone they can fix; which never happens. The good guy is dependable and steady while the bad boy is unpredictable and indifferent to her needs. She knows she could lose him at any moment, so she fights harder to prove she is worthy of him. The key for guys is adopting the bad boy traits that women love such as confidence and spontaneity and balancing the bad ones like cockiness and self-absorbance.
Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not disrespectful. Love is not disloyal. Like men, most women don't realize that until later in life. I wrote "I'm Not a Gentleman” and Gangsta of Love” when I was 22 years old. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Damn, man, if I had known you were going to act out the lyrics in my songs word for word I would have also told you to pay the note on my mortgage and buy me a fresh pair of Nikes twice a month.
HER KIDS ARE DESTROYING OUR RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D:
I've been living with the same woman for about five years. She is a loan officer and I am a homebuilder. Together we make about $300,000 each year with most of the money coming from me. But we still live paycheck to paycheck. The main reason is we spend a lot of money on her three kids from a previous relationship. She buys them all the latest fashions and expensive cellphones they want.
She spent $600 to buy her 12-year-old daughter a Samsung Galaxy 4 and she lost it after just having it for two days. We spend over $20,000 each year on private schools. I could probably tolerate her excessive spending more if her children were more obedient. They are spoiled brats who talk back to their mother and me. When I try to discipline them, their mother gets upset with me and we end up not speaking to each other for a few days.
Her oldest son, who is 14 years old, got kicked out of school for possession of marijuana. So now he just sits around the house smoking and eating all day while we're at work, and I'm sick of it. I have told my lady time and time again that her kids are out of control, but she is dismissive of any criticism about them. I love her but I don't know what can be done to fix this problem. Do you have any suggestions?
You get major props for taking care of another man's children but it appears that your efforts are underappreciated. The kids have no respect for you or their mother and there's nothing you can do about it without the mother imploding.
If I were standing in your shoes, I would give the mother an ultimatum to stand in solidarity with me to raise the kids. If she refuses to — which I suspect she will — I would move on. Being a homebuilder, you of all people should know; a house divided cannot stand.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.