|Photo courtesy of Peter Beste|
HELPING MY SISTER DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH HER LIFE
Dear Willie D:
My sister is 28 years old, and still trying to figure out life. What advice could I give her? She has a high-school education with some college.
Twenty-eight is nothing. I know people who are 50 years old and don't know what they want to do. The first thing you should do is examine whether your sister even cares about your advice. She might be doing what makes her happy with her life at the moment; even if it's living in a cheap apartment, playing music all day, and lying out in the sun at a community swimming pool. If you feel compelled to speak to your sister about her future, maybe you can suggest a job opportunity you think she might be interested in.
I don't have a problem with someone experimenting until deciding what he or she wants to do with his or her life. It's better to make the best of life along the way than to rush into something, and be miserable because you're doing what society expects of you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to see your sister succeed, but success is measured by the goals you set, and achieve for yourself; not the ones that others envision for you.
SHE HELPED ME GET A JOB, NOW SHE WANTS SEX
Dear Willie D:
With the assistance of a female friend I found my dream home a few months ago, owned by a mutual friend. She also got me an interview at a big entertainment company, in which I landed the job. Life was going good until she developed eyes for me. At first I played it cool, and told her we should remain friends. But she wouldn't give up. Every day was another excuse to interact with me. She then started migrating her way to my trips out of town.
It got a little creepy when she started showing up unannounced at my local bar. When she started lying about me, I had to put my foot down. I let her know as nicely as possible that even though she was a great person, I wasn't interested. Well, she didn't take too nicely to that, and little by little she began to try to ruin my life. She set me up at work, sabotaged my social network, and last but not least is trying to kick me out of my residence.
I can't take this lying down. Though I have done nothing wrong and always followed the rules, she is trying to throw me out like the trash. Some of my people tell me to let it be, and just leave. Others tell me to take her to court, but they don't have to deal with the consequences of this decision; I do. Willie D, I've been a listener to yours for a while. Can you tell me if I should fight, or just let it go?
Playing It Cool:
The borrower will always be a slave of the lender. I'm assuming this woman has some type of power over you at your place of employment and residence in order to be able to inject herself into your life the way she has. She is dead wrong for trying to ruin your life, but nobody gives you anything for free. You learn that on the playground in elementary when trading marbles.
You said you followed the rules, but you really didn't. You allowed your friend to assist you with acquiring two of the most fundamental necessities in life: a place to live and a job. And you did that knowing good and well she was attracted to you. Men have been playing that game with women for years.
Now the shoe is on the other foot and you feel violated. The way I see it, you have two choices: remove yourself from the situation, or give up the booty.
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I CAUGHT MY BOYFRIEND AT THE MOTEL, BUT WAS HE CHEATING?
One night my boyfriend didn't come home, so I called him and he never answered. I asked the Lord to show me a sign that he was cheating, and on a hunch I checked his credit card statement. It said: Woodland Inn. So I went up there blowing the horn, then I put his tires on flat. I never saw him but he said he heard me, and was scared to come outside.
Deep down I feel like he's full of s—, but he swears on his grandmother that no one was in the motel room with him. He really wants me to put it in the past, but the situation is too new. Do you think I should believe his ass?
Of course you should believe him because that was not a motel. It was a rooming house in a bad neighborhood, and he was only there because he was checking out a retirement spot for his dear grandmother.
When he heard the horn blowing, and saw it was you he panicked not because he had done anything wrong, but because that's what a man does when his woman pulls up blowing her car horn, slices his tires, and demands that he come outside. That could've been about anything. Better safe than sorry.
MY STEPDAUGHTER IS RUINING MY MARRIAGE
Dear Willie D:
I've been married for 19 years. My stepchild was brainwashed by her mom to hate me and her dad. I met her dad when she was seven years old; she's now 30. Her dad feels guilty so he bends over backwards to try to undo what her mom did by any means. The problem is I have been made the sacrificial lamb. The child has been allowed to disregard [me] and speak ill of me without my husband checking her.
This has been a progression over the past decade. She doesn't respect our marriage, and he's cool with it just to have any piece of a relationship with her. I am beginning to lose respect for him as a man. His daughter told him, "You keep bringing up your wife's name to me. I told you she's irrelevant in my life."
He didn't reprimand her. How could I not lose respect for him? I am upset that I have bitten my tongue all these years. I never slapped her, or her mom. That's the thanks I get; really? That really took a piece of my heart. He told me I've changed, and he doesn't feel the love anymore. You don't say?
This is an issue that should have been nipped in the bud 23 years ago. A family divided against itself cannot stand together. No matter how much two people love each other, sometimes in order to grow they have to grow apart.
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