This week Pizza Hut continued its proud tradition of being our absolute favorite hut by unveiling their new pizza box turntables. Yes, you didn’t misread that, and there’s no catch. Pizza Hut created a pizza box that doubles as a bluetooth turntable so you can wiki-wiki on the 1’s-and-2’s while gorging on your new stuffed crust. We’re not joking. Frank Ocean has a new album this week AND the worlds of pizza and turntablism have finally collided, world politics aside this is the absolute greatest point in civilization history.
To mark the occasion and get you ready to put some deep cuts in your deep dish, we’ve assembled these essential pizza jams to play in your new pizza turntables as Pizza Hut begins to roll them out over the UK in the coming weeks. These are going to get pretty saucy, but you won’t need to hit your parents up for pizza money to hear them.
The Olson Twins – “Gimmie Pizza (slowed down)”
One of the first great internet memes of the decade, this demonically altered excerpt from the home video classic You're Invited To Mary-Kate and Ashley's Sleepover Party is a shining example of what the weirder absurd side of the internet was made for. If it didn’t feel quite right screwing and chopping “Brother for Sale,” this growling reimagining of “Gimmie Pizza” will be the hit of whatever witchhouse party you somehow got talked into DJing.
The Fat Boys – “Jail House Rap”
In 1984, Kurtis Blow produced the landmark single “Jail House Rap,” arguably The Fat Boys’ finest moment. Let’s first focus on the beat for a second, the sample layering and slap-dash soundscape is years ahead of its time. Genuinely an amazing record. On top of that, are the hilarious verses from the group about being sent to prior for crimes of passionate eating. The first verse features Prince Markie Dee being sent to prior for pizza-related charges.
Eminem – “My Fault (Pizza Mix)”
Eminem’s 1999 major label debut The Slim Shady LP was supposed to feature the catchy “My Fault” as its third single. While this was vetoed in favor of the more foreboding “Role Model,” this initial plan got along far enough to get a radio-friendly re-write. While the original was about a newfound lady acquaintance’s adverse reaction to the hallucinogenic commonly called “Shrooms,” this version that eventually surfaced on the Celebrity Deathmatch soundtrack was tale instead about a girl who accidentally ate a slice of mushroom pizza despite having a horrifying mushroom allergy.
Ween – “Where’d the Cheese Go?”
In one of the most wonderfully befuddling moments in music history, cult sensations Ween were once approached by Pizza Hut to create a jingle for their new pizza that hid the cheese within the crust. Their submission was “Where’d the Cheese Go?” When this was rejected, they returned with the similarly sounding “Where the Mother-Fucking Cheese Go At?” Rejected once again, the duo didn’t revisit the tune until a fan-selected request show saw them unveil an extended six minute version.
Janis Joplin – “Piece of My Heart”
One of the greatest rock songs ever recorded? Absolutely. However, and this isn’t a knock against it by any means, but we at the Weekly (OK, just me, Chaz) whenever I hear something about music and pizza, I feel compelled to say “Take another pizza my heart.” I like to imagine Janis liked pizza. It’s also a great way to see if the person you’re talking to is a fan of Janis and/or pizza.