FIRE MARSHAL BLOB
Illustration by Bob AulYou pathetic, frustrated, wannabe firefighter who couldn't make the cut, why do you feel it necessary to be such an asshole supervisor? You obviously think all your employees either fear or respect you, but I have news for you—nobody fears you, nor do they respect you. We all just laugh at your pathetic attempts to be a "leader" when you can't even lead your head out of your ass. Instead of sitting your fat ass in a chair, why don't you work the field or use your minute brain power to get more contracts to save jobs. I don't know how you expect us to grow propellers out of our asses and fly over traffic and lights and put our lives on the line so that you can watch us from your safe desk and still yell at us for not being fast enough. And when we do go fast or run red lights, we get fired. Do you get off when you set us up for failure? You've watched porn at the station, had girls visit your room, slept with new EMTs and had threesomes with your old partner. And how dare you give favorite treatment to the blondes, brunettes, redheads, or anyone with big boobs, big asses and no brains? Maybe you shouldn't take all the blame, though, because you're no different from your boss, with his nasty habit of having prostitutes in the back of his rig. You are both pigs, and it will all catch up to you, because I'm taking notes, and if I go down, I'm taking all of you with me. I guarantee you that no city will ever do business with us again.
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