Alien Ant Farm rocks Huntington Beach's Liquid Lounge tonight! Yipee! Meanwhile, pimply 15-year-olds countywide are left sobbing—to the tune of "Smooth Criminal," of course—as their parents tell them—for the last time, Johnny!—that NO, they will not sneak them inside the bar just so they can see their favorite band, already! Instead, the family is headed to Renaissance Dana Point, where Papa's favorite group, the Fat Girl Band, is playing. And that's final! 8:30 p.m. Free. All ages. Renaissance Dana Point, 24701 Del Prado Ave., Dana Point, (949) 661-6003.
By the way, have you ever tried Googling "Fat Girl Band"? Why, it's almost as fun as killing a bunch of Norwegians, landing a promotion and then letting your batty nutter of a wife convince you to murder your boss! What's that? You have no idea what I'm talking about? Oh, dear. Ask Commie Lady. Or let Shakespeare Orange County explain it to you as they host the opening night of Macbeth. What do you mean, you don't "get" Shakespeare? Go to your room! 8:15 p.m.; preshow, 7:30 p.m. $26. Festival Amphitheatre, 12740 Main St., Garden Grove, (714) 590-1575.
Thought Shakespeare was boring, did you? You don't know nothing! I'll bet you don't even know about the connections between globalizationand deportations. Actually, I don't much, either. Which is why you, me, Uncle Gustavo and the cat should go to Stop the Deportations! It's a teach-in against the INS raids in Santa Ana. Oh, boy, there's free food, too! Just don't get your hopes up. It'll be back to leftovers tomorrow, ya hear? 7 p.m. 1522 S. Main St., Santa Ana, (714) 953-9305.
Afterward, if you're well- behaved, we'll mosey over to Que Sera, where Jonathan Richmanwill coo and croon sweet Italian lullabies and I'll get tossed and hit on him. Just don't tell his wife. Or my boyfriend. 9 p.m. Call for cover. 21+. 1923 E. Seventh St., Long Beach, (562) 599-6170; www.thequesera.com.
Oh, I get it: you saw Jonathan Richman once, and now you're convinced that just anybody can pick up a guitar and start rambling, right? Well, it's true, as the kids from The Paul Green School of Rock—no, not the child actors from the movie, silly! The real-deal kids straight outta Philly!—will prove today at the Coach House. 2 p.m. $10. All ages. 33157 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, (949) 496-8930; www.thecoachhouse.com.
Aw. You miss your Commie Lady, don't you? I know. We all miss her so. And to prove it, let's release our inner art critic and scope out the artstuffs going-on at Open, Long Beach's best bookstore that rarely ever is, well, open. This is the final week for its current exhibit, "Seven Sins," which features seven large oil paintings by Robert Adam Malin focused on patriotism, sin and their role in W.'s America. Call for hours. 144 Linden Ave., Long Beach, (562) 499-OPEN.
Rented Swimming with Sharks lately? Oopsies. What I meant to ask is: Have you seen Open Water yet? No? What are you waiting for? Commie Lady to come back from "vacation"?
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Hey! Remember way back when I said you don't know nothin'? Well, you still don't! So, tonight, we're going to let the former marketing and business majors at The Princeton Review learn you how to get in to college during their SAT and College Admissions Seminar. If you're lucky, maybe you'll grow up to be a silly nom de plume! Just like me! 6:30 p.m. Borders Books, Music & Caf, the Block at Orange, 20 The City Blvd. W., Orange, (714) 385-1025.
Lastly, since I'm, like, totally sure you are all so sick of me by now, why don't you spend today making "Countdown to Commie" calendars for your cubicle wall! Meantime, it looks like I'm through baby-sitting for this week, so I'll leave you with this: if Kathleen Madigan—a.k.a. Gary Gulman's only worthy competition—is already scheduled to perform at the Brea Improv tonight, does that mean she's not the Last Comic Standing? Ask her for me, would you? 8:30 p.m. $20. Brea Improv, 120 S. Brea Blvd., Brea, (714) 482-0700; www.improv.com.