We know you’ve been thinking: What’s the perfect Christmas gift this year for 13-term, Orange County Congressman Dana Rohrabacher?
Given Rohrabacher’s recently revealed aversion to cleanliness, some people have suggested dozens of boxes loaded with Formula 409 All-Purpose Cleaner.
Others believe an industrial-strength Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner is a more appropriate gift.
Someone else, a prominent local Republican who knows the congressman well and has firsthand knowledge of his grime-covered digs, suggested employing Hazel, the TV maid, for a year.
But Rohrabacher’s messes require the services of battle-scarred professionals who’ve seen the worst man can do.
With that fact in mind, the ideal gift for Dirty Dana is an on-call contract with the good folks at Crime Scene Steri-Clean, LLC.
Take a look at the crime scene carpet the congressman left when he moved out of a $1 million Costa Mesa rental home:
The company–which offers around the clock rapid response times–can handle the worst of Rohrabacher-type messes: human decomposition, urine/vomit/feces clean up and, a must for this unhygienic, booze-guzzling congressman who left white maggots under his stove, rodent extraction and clutter removal.
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There’s an added bonus of credibility because Orange County’s Cory Chalmers, president of the company he created in 1995, has received community service awards from bipartisan sources: Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez (D-Anaheim) and Supervisor Todd Spitzer (R-Orange).
CNN-featured investigative reporter R. Scott Moxley has won Journalist of the Year honors at the Los Angeles Press Club; been named Distinguished Journalist of the Year by the LA Society of Professional Journalists; obtained one of the last exclusive prison interviews with Charles Manson disciple Susan Atkins; won inclusion in Jeffrey Toobin’s The Best American Crime ReportingĀ for his coverage of a white supremacist’s senseless murder of a beloved Vietnamese refugee; launched multi-year probes that resulted in the FBI arrests and convictions of the top three ranking members of the Orange County Sheriff’s Department; and gained praise fromĀ New York Times Magazine writers for his “herculean job” exposing entrenched Southern California law enforcement corruption.