OC Weekly hereby calls bullshit on Estately.com (beats the hell out of us who that is also) for a glaring omission on its list of “The 18 Best U.S. Cities for Bros.” Oxford, Mississippi? New Haven, Connecticut? Los The Fuck Angeles? For gosh sakes: Surf City INVENTED bros.
Bro.
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Turns out Seattle-based Estately.com is some sort of member real estate site, so do take the list on their blog with a grain of saltwater because, obviously, they are Satan's spawn.
The stupid-ass list compiled between justifying jacked-up commissions for real-estate weasels has LA at numero uno. Uh, yeah, but only if you confuse cholos with neck and teardrop tattoos and who beat Giants fans into comas with white guys with backward baseball caps, chain wallets and monster trucks blaring gangsta rap …
As they drive through Irvine.
Which is exactly what Estately blogger “Ryan” has done, confuse the two:
The Los Angeles area is one of the leading producers of bros in America. From San Bernardino to Orange County to Malibu, the area's varied landscape is home to thousands of bros. Excessive wealth, acceptance of self-absorbed Hollywood types, and ample sunny days acts as bro incubator.
Wander the campuses of USC, UCLA, Pepperdine, Chapman University, and dozens of others and you'll see bros tossing the disk around between classes or just cruising home on a longboard to play some flip cup. It's way chill, bro.
And that's way lame, lame-ass, not only because of the waaaaay un-chill writing, bro, but because you've chosen a geographical area that's roughly the size of the Northeast.
Hell, Orlando (No. 18, according to Estately) and Gainesville (No. 3) are separated by only slightly more Florida freeway than the SoCal traffic nightmare between Malibu and San Bernardino, which Ry-ry lumps in as the same place.
Oh, snap, and where the fuck is San Diego? Our universally recognized bros to the south of us should be at No. 2, behind only Huntington Beach in certified bro-ness. How the hell are Surf City and “America's Finest City” not as bro-worthy as, say, Santa Barbara (No. 6)?
About the only good thing to say about Estately's un-stately compilation is it does include this Deadspin favorite to illustrate LA at the top:
Dollars to donut holes those douches drove to Staples from HB. In daddy's jacked-up Tundra.
Email: mc****@oc******.com. Twitter: @MatthewTCoker. Follow OC Weekly on Twitter @ocweekly or on Facebook!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.