About a year ago, I wrote about a mysterious bourbon pirate who was going around our office and stealing swigs of Kentucky hooch from our private stashes. Bastard polished off a bottle of Elmer T. Lee, went through half a jug of Woodford Reserve, and even broke into the cheap-ass Jim Beam. And while everyone in the office wanted to blame our janitors for the theft, I gave them a pass. Mexicans, as everyone knows, don't care for bourbon–they like Buchanan's, mezcal, cerveza and tequila, and while we don't stock bukanas, we have a shitload of tequila–and none of those bottles were ever disturbed.
The bourbon pirate stopped, and that was that. Flash-forward to late last month, when a whiskey bandit began disturbing our offices. They broke into our production manager's Jameson, my Cabin Still, and–worst of all–finished a whole bottle of Signatory Vintage 21-year-old Island single-malt scotch, a bottle that costs about $75.
This time, we were prepared: we had a nanny cam installed looking straight at a bottle of Jameson's. And the results were shocking. ROLL THE TAPE!
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Turned out it was someone from the janitorial staff after all! FUCK!
While I guess I should be happy that our janitors have refined their alcoholic tastes, the pendejo was also stealing from our bottles, none of which were open (our rule in the office is that you don't drink from unopened bottles–and you ask for a shot from the owner of the opened ones). I don't have a problem with him drinking on the job–hell, I'm drunk right now. But going through our tippling treasures without our permission is a no-no, so we had the fool fired from cleaning our office–fuck ethnic solidarity, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OUR WHISKEY. I'm not naming the company he works for, though, because they were immediately apologetic, transferred out the crew he was with, and vowed to reimburse us for our missing whiskey–now THAT'S taking responsibility for an error.
Let this be a warning to any future whiskey bandits or bourbon pirates who skulk around our offices: VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS.
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