UPDATE, AUG. 23, 9:38 A.M.: Man, Octomom's boxing world is just as confusing as her parenting world (or lack thereof). Last we'd heard, unmarried and unemployed La Habra mother of 14 Nadya Suleman's next Celebrity Boxing match was against three chicks in Springfield, Mass., on Sept. 16.
But she just won a bout over the weekend in Florida, against a strip club bartender, and promoter Damon Feldman said afterward Nads next steps into the ring Sept. 24 in Los Angeles, perhaps vs. former WWE star Chyna.
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Perhaps ticket sales in the Bay State were lagging. Despite Octomom's tall tale disease apparently infecting Feldman, who claimed hundreds turned out for Saturday night's fight at the Ocean Manor Resort in Fort Lauderdale, the Miami Herald's count put the crowd at “three dozen.”
And those three dozen were not exactly happy campers: Most reportedly gave Suleman the solo finger salute as she dashed from the room after her three-round, split decision win over Playhouse Gentlemen's Club bartender Cassandra “Patience” Anderson.
No, if Octomom is going to spend any time with you at all, you've got to have a notepad, microphone or press camera in hand, as witnessed by her pre-fight poses showing off what the Daily Mail described as “gruesome body scars” from multiple births. (Click on the link to see them as I can't afford to post the shots here.)
Meanwhile, with or without a bout near Beantown or face-off against Chyna in LA, Suleman is also squaring off against neighbors and city officials back home in Guadalahabra. One of her official publicity arms, TMZ (the other being RadarOnline) reports that the city fined her $100 for having an above-ground Doughboy pool in her backyard without the required municipal permit.
However, the fine ballooned up to $600 because Octomom refused to abide by a city-imposed deadline to either get a permit or remove the pool, claiming vindictive neighbors are to blame for the code enforcement.
TMZ ends its item with a pertinent question: “What's Octo doing with a pool in her backyard when she has 14 kids she can barely control?”
UPDATE, AUG. 15, 9:10 A.M.: Alas, Octomom will not be stepping into the ring to square off against Casey Anthony.
Well, at least not Sept. 16 in Springfield, Mass.
Celebrity Boxing promoter Damon Feldman on Friday announced three opponents will face La Habra's unemployed single mother of 14 Nadya Suleman for one round each.
All are from the Springfield area, they are bartender Patty Poteat of Westfield, website owner Jenna Wikler of Northampton and local hair stylist Deana Supernor, reports that town's newspaper, The Republican.
Feldman says he received emails from 1,400 prospective boxers, one-tenth of those being from the Springfield area.
Since Suleman was engaged in pre-fight banter with Anthony, we suggested they face one another. However, a judge has ordered Anthony, last seen window shopping in Ohio, back to Florida to serve out her probation.
The three-round event had originally been scheduled for Aug. 27 at the Mardi Gras in downtown Springfield, which is about 90 miles west of Boston. Tickets to the Sept. 16 bout are $20, and a portion of proceeds helps the town's tornado relief effort, according to Feldman.
Now Springfield must prepare for Hurricane Nads, as the promoter claims she has been training heavily for the match.
UPDATE, AUG. 2, 9:21 A.M.: Anyone else want to punch Octomom?
Promoter Damon Feldman–whose “Celebrity Boxing” roster has included such D-listers as Tonya Harding, Jose Canseco, Joey Buttafuco, John Wayne
Bobbitt and, yes, La Habra's single mother of 14 Nadya Suleman, announced Monday he's looking for a second woman to step into the ring against her.
There's a catch . . .
You have to travel to Massachusetts for the Aug. 27 Sept. 16 bout. The exact location is Springfield, which is about 90 miles west of Boston.
Springfield's newspaper The Republican reports the fight will consist of three, one-minute
rounds. Combatants will wear oversized gloves and protective head gear. No experience is required to step into the ring against Suleman, said Feldman, who hopes to land “a radio personality or someone well-known in the
community who has a following.”
He's also keen on giving some proceeds to a local charity. “We heard about the tornado that struck Springfield, and
we are interested in contributing to local efforts there,” Feldman reportedly said.
The promoter has already dealth with Hurricane Nadya, having helmed her June 29 bout in New Jersey against a radio personality. More memorable at that event was a fellow who yelled at Nads and tried to get to her before being escorted out.
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UPDATE, JUNE 15, 9:29 A.M.: Now that her bikini car wash has been scrubbed, Octomom Nadya Suleman can turn to a more traditional way to raise money to stave off foreclosure on her La Habra home.
Like get a real job? Are you fucking nuts!?!
No, “more traditional” for the sub-D Lister involves a plane trip to New Jersey–center of the unreal reality universe–so she can step into the ring of a celebrity boxing match.
Radar Online fights for the scoop.
“Nadya will take on any non professional or trained personalities in
the three round novelty match,” Celebrity Boxing and Wrestling CEO
Damon Feldman reportedly tells the gossip site. “I'm excited to have Nadya on board. I was always looking
to get Octomom in the ring and with her in-shape body I'm sure she
will be a perfect fit.”
He's not the only one who'd like to get the single mother of 14 in the ring. The deal is she'll wear oversized gloves and ego-fitting headgear for three, one-minute rounds against a yet-to-be-named opponent. (How about Kate Gosselin?)
Tickets, which went on sale yesterday, are only $20 each if you'd like to travel to the Pennant East in Westville, New Jersey, for the Wednesday, Jan. 29, bout.
Or, just wait for the pay-per-vomit match.
UPDATE, JUNE 13, 1:25 P.M.: Octomom's bikini car wash has washed out.
Both the managers of the car wash and Nadya Suleman's . . . erm . . . entertainment career confirmed for a reporter that the scrub-down has been scrubbed.
La Habra's single mother of 14 had been reportedly set to join Charlie Sheen's porn-star escort Capri Anderson, overnight guest of Reggie Bush January Gessert and Mel Gibson mistress Violet Kowal at the suds fest set for this Saturday.
TMZ, which broke the news of the car wash and cancellation, had reported the cause for the charity event was Suleman's
But fear not, Carnauba lovers: the hunt is on for a site for a rescheduled car wash.
ORIGINAL POST, JUNE 3, 3:19 P.M.: The News Gods have conspired to prevent me from finding a new photo for this update, as Octomom Nadya Suleman is reportedly holding a bikini car wash to save her La Habra house (again).
And the single mother of 14 has really dipped deep into the D-list to pluck the “friends” who will be on hand (and in thong) to help her. The only one I'd heard of was Tila Tequila. I don't believe the others would bat a Dr. Drew casting director's eye: Capri Anderson, January Gessert and Violet Kowal. WTF? And by WTF, I mean Who The Fuck?
TMZ fills in the blanks: Anderson is the porn star who claimed Charlie Sheen roughed her up in a New York hotel last October. Ah, remember the good old days? Before we knew exactly how sick Charlie was?
Gessert was an unknown Calabassas waitress until she was seen leaving a restaurant with Kim Kardashian's then-boyfriend Reggie
Bush one night in March 2010. The next morning, Gessert was spotted again, this time making the walk of shame from the USC football-program destroyer's house.
And Kowal was one of Mel Gibson's alleged mistresses. Wait a second, I think I blogged about her before. Hold on . . . Oh, yeah:
Fortunately for Octomom's La Habra neighbors, who have had it up to here with this shit, she's planning to hold her un-star-studded bikini car-wash fund-raiser in LA. Because they really “get” her there, you know? (Note to LA: Take her. Pleeeeease!) A June 18 date has been set, as have the prices to get, uh, buffed: $20 per car and $30 per SUV.
And the first 14 customers get to drive off with a kid!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.