[UPDATED with Reviews Are In:] Eighth Sign of the Apocalypse: Octomom Nadya Suleman Paid “Six Figures” to Give Advice

UPDATE, DEC. 28, 9:31 A.M.: During her inaugural, Christmas Day advice show that streams live Sundays on the web, Octomom Nadya Suleman of La Habra apologized for being 10 minutes late, mumbled, shamed the oldest of her 14 children for being “materialistic,” mentioned they are all “grateful” this holiday season for food and water, and complimented her put-upon parents.

Well, the reviews are in.

And they're ugly.

Keep in mind the sampling of comments below is from the forum linked from nadyasuleman.com, and each had withstood the following Forum Rules:  

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The Christmas Day assortment:

Post by Katy » Mon Dec 26, 2011 3:30 am
was very uncomfortable with the way you disparaged your “eldest son”.
That should have been discussed in private. Shaming him like that on the
internet was beyond thoughtless. [Remember, what goes on the .net stays
on the .net] Bottom line, to contrast your own “grateful” epiphany, you
belittled and threw a 10 year old kid under the bus for all the world
to witness. Not Cool. Perhaps he is not just the shallow,
materialistic person YOU are projecting on him, but is just an ANXIOUS
kid. Anxious about the the drum beat of poverty and foreclosure he
certainly hears discussed around him. Perhaps he is fishing for his
PARENT to REASSURE him that she has a PLAN! Not positive thinking. Not
hopeful thinking. Certainly not MAGICAL thinking about 6 figure maybe's,
but an ADULT, actionable plan about where your family will be living a
few months from now…

Post by Bluebonnet » Mon Dec 26, 2011 4:36 am
It was
craptastically unprofessional, considering that she has nearly three
years' experience giving TV interviews and appearing in documentary
programs, and recently had an acting job in a horror movie. On her own,
however, she was quite helpless. She apologized repeatedly for being
late, for not understanding how to make the video, and for frequently
checking her text messages from manager Gina. She mumbled in a soft
voice through most of the show, occasionally raising her voice loud
enough to be heard clearly. . . . [T]he first OctoTV show was a bust, nothing that could
conceivably bring in “six figures” from advertising revenue. If she
wants to make that kind of money from this kind of amateurish show, it
is going to be a long uphill struggle.

Post by lulu » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:34 am
I found that very sad. Not that I expected much, but it was a total waste of my 25 minutes and hers also.

Post by Kit_Kat » Mon Dec 26, 2011 11:10 am
I thought it was fake especially after seeing the real her on her test video. If there was an event for Narcissism, Nadya would win the Golden award.

Post by Valkyre » Mon Dec 26, 2011 2:47 pm
20 year old “jammies” she was wearing were from Victoria's Secret, and
she's had them less than 3 years! Nadya, if you want MORE viewers (more
than the 41 that watched) show MORE CHILDREN! The Octuplets, the older
kids. We want to see the kids! “Are we defined by our choices? Our behavior? Our actions? No. I don't believe that defines our worth.” — Nadya Suleman

Post by Erin » Mon Dec 26, 2011 3:56 pm
the other leg..this one has bells on it. Mouldy fairy dust !…….
Madame is attempting a blow job…err..snow job on the general
public…in my observation. She would expect one to believe that 'less
is more'…Well those plumped up tits and lips belie that. Ah
well…perhaps she thought that wearing her hundred year old
..tatty..but comfortable… striped onsey would lend creedence ……. How

Post by barbwire » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:16 pm
never seemed grateful for [landlord] Amer Haddadad giving her a good deal and
allowing her and 14 kids and staff to move into that place she
subsequently trashed. Her words have always been just LIP service!!!

UPDATE, DEC. 21, 9:15 A.M.: Remember the exercise/lifestyle/parenting advice web series Octomom Nadya Suleman of La Habra was set to host starting last Sunday, the one she supposedly got six figures to appear on?

Yeah, I forgot to tune in, too. Not that I could even if I'd wanted to. Perez Hilton reports it did not debut as planned due to “technical difficulties.”

Those difficulties?

Her computer broke.

“This is Reeshi at technical support, the weather is beautiful here in Bombay, how may I help you?”

“Yes, I'm hosting a web series for which I've paid six figures to host, but I can't get the thingie on my computer to work!”

“Ma'am, have you tried CTL-ALT-DEL?”

He means with your life.

Fear not, Octo-fans, the show's now set to re-debut Christmas day. Cool, we're all getting a train wreck this year!

In other Damn, We Can't Get Rid of Her News, RumorFix presents this “Christmas miracle”: Despite foreclosure proceedings beginning on Suleman's home, she, her 14 kids and the media hordes will remain on Madonna Lane through at least March.

Bah humbug!

ORIGINAL POST, DEC. 9, 10:56 A.M.: Would you rather . . .

. . . get weekly parenting advice from Octomom Nadya Suleman of La Habra or,

. . . pay “six figures” to allow the single mother of 14 to give weekly parenting advice?

Believe it or not, someone is banking on yes answers to those.

“Welcome to OctoTV,” reads a message on the brand-new YouTube channel below.

“This is Nadya Suleman but you all know me as 'Octomom.' Now the tables have turned and I am running the show, tune in as I will be hitting on parenting, fitness, diet, nutrition, shopping on a budget and all those crazy rumors . . . LIVE from my home!”

That's reportedly live every Sunday starting later this month. Click play above and you will be breathlessly informed by the 36-year-old, 2nd most hated person in America, “I do everything by myself. I'm a great caretaker of 14 kids. . . . I'm a type 'A' personality–workaholic, and there's really nothing I won't do, in regard to providing for my family.”

That sticky stuff under your shoe is residue from my head having just exploded. But a more mysterious substance is the black stuff around Nads' eyes in the video. Has she been crying? Has she resorted to charcoal for mascara? Did Amy Fisher sneak in a couple unreported punches? 

As for the mysterious substance coming out of the Octo-piehole, jeez, where to start? Well, beyond the very notions of the first two questions posed in this post, there's the name OctoTV and the host's acknowledgment of her nickname. It was, like, a month ago that she disavowed “Octomom,” called it offensive, blah-blah-blah.

The idea of hitting on parenting, fitness, diet, nutrition, shopping on a budget and all those crazy rumors: there are numerous reports of that house being a cross between a circus, an insane asylum and an unsupervised daycare center, which–coupled with the controversial way she became a single mom to more than a baker's dozen–obviously does not make her someone you'd seek advice from. Unless, of course, she's giving insider tips on cheating the system, repeatedly crying poor and taking food out of your kids' mouths for fitness trainers, plastic surgery and manis and pedis.

As for the “crazy rumors,” you get three guesses and two don't count as to who routinely spreads those. As others with some celebrity and no discernible talent know (paging the Kardashians), it is possible to earn a living that way. But please, for the love of all that is wholesome, please don't read that as an invitation to release a sex tape ala Kim, Nads.

LIVE from her home: Christ, haven't La Habrans had enough? Can the city just declare that section of Madonna Avenue a disaster zone already? Hello? . . . is this thing on?

If my breakfast had digested by now, I'd have a take on her being a great caretaker to 14 kids, a workaholic, blah-blah-blah. Just take such claims with a grain of Pete Samson, a pinch of Ann Curry and a dash of Kristen Johnston. Unless being totally oblivious to the unruliness around you is an example of doing everything by oneself.

It's TMZ that reports someone ponied up six figures for this trainwreck. You know how difficult it is for people to keep their eyes off of one of those. (Kardashians, white courtesy phone, please.) So, congratulations, Ms. Suleman, you've finally found your calling.

One Reply to “[UPDATED with Reviews Are In:] Eighth Sign of the Apocalypse: Octomom Nadya Suleman Paid “Six Figures” to Give Advice”

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