In our society still steeped with Puritan notions, “gross” things such as periods, butt cheese, old people and crevice sweats are mostly kept under wraps. As an American, it's your duty to appear looking clean and wearing a nice pair of slacks; any deviation from that gets you singled out. But this avoidance of accepting the nastier bits of life, such as our denial of global warming, can sometimes hinder us from actually improving them. Fresh Body (freshbody.com) is on a quest to do just that. And I'm kidding about the old people.
Fresh Body manufactures and sells lotion for sweaty boobs, in an effort to relieve the chaffing and other unpleasantries that come with them. Using simple, natural ingredients, the company came up with a formula that rolls onto your bits as though lotion, but dries into a powder. It's basically deodorant for your whole body—but specifically boobs. If this sounds strange to you, it should. In 2009, the Las Vegas-based company launched Fresh Balls, which remains the staple product. Apparently, those bad boys can get rank—at least, that's what the awkward promo video purports. Fresh Breasts, however, is not something we're so sure will catch on
. . . because Puritanism.
Granted, the deodorizers seem to work; they have a full sack of positive reviews, including one from a firefighter who actually took the temperature of his friends and found they were still dry at 94 degrees! Thanks for the info . . . I think?
A tube of fresh lotion will run you 12 bucks, but we'll pass on the “All I Want for Xmas is Fresh Balls” T-shirt. Of course, if we just didn't wear clothes, none of these problems would exist. Ah, civilization: one step forward, two steps back.