We’ve come to know and love Jerry Rocha over the years so when we heard he was dropping a new comedy album on June 30th, we jumped at the chance to talk to him about it. And of course we wanted an advance copy as well. What we ended up getting was both and spoiler alert but a shocking alert; they’re equally hilarious. In honor of Jerry’s new album “Pickle Dick” and because he’s somewhat (totally) of a comic book nerd, we asked him to rate his Top 5 Super Hero Dicks. Ummm, super hero assholes. OK, super hero jerks. Yeah, that.
Jerry Rocha: Quicksilver is the son of a supervillain magneto and he’s such a dick. He’s a giant dick, very arrogant, cocky, and such a douche. He’s one of those types of guys who wouldn’t have to roofie a chick. Like, some guys have to roofie a chick but this guy, he has such disgusting confidence that there’s enough chicks that would fuck him anyway. If that makes sense. I still like him and he’s a hero but, he’s a very interesting character. He’s a dick, but he gets respect.
4- Guy Gardner
Number four has to be Guy Gardner, he’s one of the Green Lantern Corps. He’s one of the all-time dickheads in comic book history. I probably should have ranked him higher because he’s a giant smart ass but for whatever reason, as a kid, I kind of forgave how much of a douche he was because I liked the fact that he’s a smart ass. In fact, a lot of comic book nerds are probably going to be like, what the fuck? My only reason is because I have a little bit of a soft spot in my heart for this dickhead and his wisecracking nature.
3- Booster Gold
I have to put Booster Gold at number three because I kinda of look at him as a one of the few superheroes who just likes being famous for being a superhero. He isn’t really in it to save humanity, he’s really in it for the attention he gets from doing it. And he’s mega rich so yeah, who doesn’t like those guys, right? He’s a giant asshole, he owns it, and he’s good at it.
For number two I have to go back to X-Men again with Cyclops. For the longest time he was one of the all-time top leaders and hero’s but in recent history, the way they’ve written the poor guy, he’s climbed the dickhead ladder. He’s now one of the all-time dickheads in comic books for sure, no question. He used to be tremendous and what a fall from grace this mother fucker had. And on a side to that, he got to fuck Jean Gray for the longest time and then when he wasn’t fucking Jean Gray, he was fucking the White Queen. All the nerds will get what I’m talking about and know that it’s just not fair either way. Even though he was a wonderful and honorable guy when he was fucking them, he’s just gone full-on I’m going to kill Professor Xavier and be a total dickhead. He’ll fuck your mother.
1- Namor the Sub-Mariner
Number one is really easy, it’s Namor the Sub-Marier. First of all, this guy just walks around in a loincloth 24/7 so fuck him for that. Secondly, he never understood that the Invisible Woman had no interest in fucking him ever and yet, he constantly tried to make that happen. He’s a whiny douche. He’s a huge twat and he’s one of the all-time huge twats in comic book history. He also changed his last name to McKenzie because he must have thought no one would notice that he lives at the bottom of the ocean wearing a green thong if he changed his last name. Like changing his last name to McKenzie was his master plan so no one would notice him when he went to Bank of America holding a trident while wearing a loincloth. Oh don’t worry! That’s just Namor McKenzie! He’s an incredible specimen of a man, don’t get me wrong but, he’s definitely a walking merman cunt. Fuck that guy.