We still aren't exactly sure why Jay-Z not pulling out was considered “breaking news,” but earlier this month, we were teased with the news that Beyoncé was knocked up once again. Sadly, Jay deflated the rumors shortly after, but it got us thinking. Since they are rolling (and rolling) in the dough, this time around, they'll be making sure that this little child of destiny, whenever they actually have another one, is in fact a boy. Don't think it's possible to choose the gender of your kid? It's cool to be a skeptic. It's just that we think with enough dolla-dolla bills, ya'll, anything is possible, so we're going to go with that theory.
Since we're not going to have any choice but to hear way too much about this kid anyway, we wanted to help one of our favorite “power couples” along with the naming process since we know they have better things to worry about. They're already in the Baby Naming Hall of Fame thanks to daughter Blue Ivy. But in case they need help this time around, here are a few thoughts for their newest “project”–pardon, we meant protégé
5- Jay Bond Carter
Okay, maybe Jay Bond would actually work out better when he's older, being that he's the son of a badass. Think of all of the tail he'll be able to pull using his own name as one of the sickest pickup lines in the game! “The name's Bond . . . Jay Bond.” Then again, even if Jay Bond Carter had acne the size of pepperoni and eight nipples, he'll always be able to name-drop mom and dad, so there's no doubt he'd still have a shot at being a ladies' man.
4- Louis Vuitton Hermes Carter
Fancy kids with fancy parents deserve fancy names, and there is no easier way to scream, “I'M FANCY!!!” than to name your child after some of the fanciest designers around. We like to think it'd take some swaying from Bey to talk Jay into this fancy-pants name, but if there is anyone who can talk their man into it, it's Beyoncé. After all, “hardcore” Jay-Z did take her last name after they got married (well, he hyphenated it), so really, anything is possible. Even if it's naming your son after some highfalutin fashion designers. So chic!
3- Der'on Roco Carter
Making the normal way of spelling Darren “interesting” by dropping a few letters and adding an unnecessary apostrophe, Der'on would be a good call because sans the apostrophe, it's pretty much just like Deron Williams from the Brooklyn Nets. Even though Jay is selling his 0.15 percent stake in the team, it'd still be a great way to pump his pom-poms and show he's still “loyal” on a whole other level. On a side note: Der'on is also dangerously close to the spelling of Deréon, as in House of Deréon, which is the name of Beyoncé's fashion line. Throw in Roco in tribute to the company Rocawear, which Jay-Z founded back in the day, and we have a winner.
2- Jazzy Clyde Carter
Because surely this little baby will be wearing a pair of $1,000 Timberland boots like just his daddy, we figured donning baby No. 2 with the name Jazzy, which was the childhood nickname of Jay-Z, will actually allow him to follow in his pop's footsteps in more ways than one. Of course, picking Clyde as a middle name is also the perfect way to remember and celebrate Jay and Bey's first hit as a duo, “03 Bonnie & Clyde” as well. It's a little pretentious, but whatever.
1- Gatsby Carter
Yeah, we noticed this one doesn't have a middle name, but let's be honest here, sometimes you have a name that is so strong you simply don't need an extra one. Right, Madonna? Seeing as the movie The Great Gatsby is so trendy right now and that Jay has a song called “100$ Bill” on the soundtrack, this makes perfect sense. When little Gatsby grows up, he's got an instant rap name, and seriously, how funny would it be to hear anyone say, “Oh, look at my little Gat!” or “Where's my Gat?” at the park, referring to their kid and not their gun?