Few things stab us in the gut like watching a celebrity try to cut up tracks on a laptop or a pair of turntables. Sure, we'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt that their musical aspirations might be met with some actual practice and soul searching vision. And to those celebrities with actual talent, we're sorry that Paris Hilton is ruining it for the rest of you.
On Tuesday, it was confirmed that Hilton will indeed be releasing a house record and will be getting behind the decks to for a one-hour music festival in Sao Paulo, Brazil on June 23 with more bass-thumping gigs to follow. Apparently dating Dutch producer Afrojack has given her the confidence to step into the spotlight. But one doesn't have to go far back in her past (i.e. the bizarre video for her woozy track, “Drunk Text”) to see why celebutantes and music careers don't mix.
With that in mind, we tracked down a few other horrible DJ ventures that sound worse than a needle scratching across the record.
If you weren't a fan of Simon Cowell after years of crushing dreams with his snide, British accent on the original X-Factor, then you'll really hate him for trying to sell us an EDM version of the show. In January, the 52-year-old talent show mogul announced that he would be launching his new show as part of a competition to find the world's best DJ's. And we all know he's doing it for the love of the music, right? “DJ's are the new rock stars, it feels like the right time to make this show,” he said in a statement. It's bad enough that a guy who can't sing makes a fortune degrading singers for a living. But evaluating dance music from a panel chair just carries a certain, um, ick-factor.
Nate Jackson is the gatekeeper to your dreams of local dive bar stardom. If he writes about you, expect your band to be offered at least one more drink ticket than the rest of the bands on the bill. Get his attention with some groovy tunes and he might just do it. Then, boy will you feel special.