I'm a liquor store yenta. That's right; if I see you picking up one of those neon green bottles of margarita mix, or God forbid the bilious-looking piss-yellow bottle with the Cuervo garbage already mixed in, I will come over and strike up and awkward conversation in which I try to convince you to buy something better, because that stuff is a one-way ticket to a hangover.
See also:
– Five Ways to Tell a Great Tequila Bar From a Mediocre One
– Leyva's Liquors: Always, Always Your Last Stop Before Heading for the Border
– Four Reasons Why Patrón Tequila Is an Affront to Mexicans–And One Reason Why It's Not
The best is seeing people with a cart full of $35 vodka and $40 whiskey looking at José Cuervo Gold. Why not spend $3 more and get something better? Did that Tracy Byrd song (“I went ten rounds with José Cuervo-o-o…”) really have such an impact on you?
And another thing… why are you spending so much money on sipping tequila? Is it the Cristal effect, where the Don Julio and Patrón brands are the “cool” brands, so it's worth paying $50 for a fifth of tequila that half the bars in America serve ice cold anyway?
It's a nationwide epidemic, this affinity for bad or overpriced tequila, and it's time for it to stop. Read on for my opinionated, completely unbiased opinion after two decades drinking tequila here and in Mexico. Don't like it? Tell me what a pendejo I am in the comments–but show your work and leave your own suggestions!
]
1. If it comes in a pretty or interesting bottle, it's generally mediocre
If
you're thinking about buying of those fugly glass monstrosities in the
shape of a gun, a cactus, a woman with enormous breasts, or whatever,
just stop. Go buy a bottle of La Cofradia tequila instead,
because it's cheaper and it's the same tequila–they all come from La
Cofradia. One of the best tequilas for mixed drinks, Tequila Tapatío, comes in a plain bottle that could just as easily have housed rum, Scotch, or wine. My house tequila, Volcán de Mi Tierra, comes in a similarly plain bottle. Cuánto más se ve fresa, menos me interesa. The fancier it looks, the less it interests me.
2. If it's “created by” or linked to a celebrity, it may be good, but it's almost certainly overpriced. It may also be rascuache–crap
“There
are huge advertising budgets only when there's no difference between
the products. If the products really were different, people would buy
the one that's better. Advertising teaches people not to trust their
judgment. Advertising teaches people to be stupid.” –Carl Sagan, Contact
Cabo Wabo tequila is massively popular because Sammy Hagar is affiliated with it, not because it's any good; Xzibit flogs Tequila Bonita, which every Spanish speaker knows is bogus, because it should be Tequila Bonito (it's el tequila). And then there's Daddy Yankee, who wins the Pendejo Tequilero award for lending his name to a tequila called El Cartel, made by the same distillery as the overpriced Avión.
Celebrities are famous for not having any taste–have you seen Keeping
Up With the Kardashians?–and so choosing your tequila based on who
flogs it is just idiotic.
[
3. If it's not 100% de agave, leave it for the frat boys.
It gets wearisome beating this drum, but I'll say it once again: every percentage of tequila that is not made from Agave tequilana Weber is a percentage that might as well be cat piss. It isn't, of course–it's usually cane alcohol, which has its own uses (mmmm, pajaretes…), but it makes for a harsh tequila that hits you with all the subtlety of a Warner Bros.
anvil to the head. Make sure it says “100% de agave“. Don't worry about
whether it says blue agave, because it can't be called tequila unless
it's made from blue agave.
4. Añejo does not mean “best”; it means “oldest”
The indicators of age are just that: how long it spent in the oak barricas before being poured out and bottled. Some places, like Cazadores, make good reposado and just okay añejo; some places, like Fortaleza, make an amazing blanco that gets overwhelmed by the wood taste of aging. The prices are always higher for the older tequilas because there's less añejo than reposado, and less reposado than blanco. Which brings us to…
5. Price is not a good indicator of quality
“You get what you pay for.” If you hear someone say that about tequila, tell him he's telling you pendejadas. Many of the best tequilas in the world, particularly reposados,
retail for $20-$30 per 750 mL bottle. Are there expensive tequilas out
there that are worth it? Absolutely… but just because it's got a nice
elegant bottle doesn't mean it's worth the money. In fact, some of the
expensive tequilas come from distilleries where they make cheaper
brands–and they all come from the same tanks.
[
So what should I buy?
First of all, the only thing worth buying with the name Cuervo on it is Reserva de la Familia, and even then, there are better tequilas out there. Second, the Sauza family doesn't own the Sauza brand anymore; it was sold off two generations ago, and the fifth and sixth generations of the Sauzas now make tequila under the Fortaleza distillery (you may see some old Mexican bottles that say Los Abuelos–it's the same exact tequila).
Second, no matter how desperate you are for a tequila bender, do not ever, ever, ever buy Montezuma Tequila. While expensive tequilas are not necessary good ones, extremely cheap tequilas are nearly always bad ones. You have been warned.
Third, never buy tequila that doesn't come in glass. There are plenty of beehive-shaped five-liter plastic jugs of yellow liquor that is technically tequila, but it is all garbage–don't be tempted.
Now, on to specific recommendations:
If
all you can get is nationally distributed brands, because you live far
from the border or in one of those ridiculous liquor control states like
Oregon and Pennsylvania, drink Corralejo. If you can't get that, stick with Espolón or El Jimador. If you can only get Cuervo and Sauza, Sauza's Tres Generaciones is your best option.
If you're looking for bargains and you live in Southern California or Texas, try La Puerta Negra reposado; if you're going to Mexico, come back with a bottle of Volcán de Mi Tierra reposado. If you're out and about in the rest of the country, Camarena makes a good margarita or paloma.
Nice mid-range tequilas, meant for sipping rather than shooting, include Real de México, Tapatío, Cazadores, and–even though opening the oddly shaped bottle feels like performing a glass circumcision–Asombroso.
If
you've got to impress someone, skip the so-mediocre Patrón and the
shockingly overpriced Don Julio; go get a bottle of Arette añejo. You may change people's minds about tequila just with this one bottle, and it's less expensive than Don Julio. Also worth buying are Fortaleza (particularly the blanco, which will blow your mind with its almost grassy agave taste) and Siete Leguas.
Are these all the good ones? Not a chance. If you're ever in Tijuana, you need to stop at Leyva's Liquors on Avenida Revolución between 6th and 7th and put yourself in Gilberto Leyva's capable hands and his 600-brand hoard of tequila.
Finally, please, enough with this lick-sip-suck business. Lime and salt are there for when you need to cover the noxious aftertaste of poor-quality tequila or you need to counter the shock of taking a whole shot at once. Go for some sangrita instead–usually made with equal parts tomato and orange juice, with lime juice and chile powder or hot sauce to give it a little zing. You can buy sangrita as well, but be aware that the most popular brand both here and in Mexico, Viuda de Sánchez, is not exactly made from whole ingredients. It's worth making your own. Sip your tequila, then sip your sangrita. Alternate until it's time to refill. ¡Salud!
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Excellent advice. Have started moving away from the famous and expensive brands (Don Julio, Herradura, etc.) to less known and cheaper brands that are just as good (or better), like Arette, Siete Leguas and El Tesoro. If I do want to spend more for a tequila, I’ll go for the G4 or Fortaleza.
Thank you for creating a guide about buying tequila. This should be recommended to first time drinkers who will love the taste of tequila.
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모든 관리들은 그들 사이에서 속삭였으며 분명히 그들도 화를 냈습니다.
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그가 흙관에 들어서자 한 공무원이 “와서 등록하세요”라고 인사했다.
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Hongzhi 황제는 충격을 받았으며 그 순간 그는 큰 눈으로 Xu Jing을 깊이 응시했습니다.
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프라그마틱의 게임을 플레이하면 항상 긴장감 넘치고 즐거운 시간을 보낼 수 있어 좋아요. 여기서 더 많은 이야기를 들려주세요!
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나는 Hongzhi 황제가 다시 단호하게 말하는 것을 보았습니다. “이제 Wang Qing의 가족은 무엇을 말해야합니까?”
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“주인님, 악당이 그리워요?” 덩젠은 팡지판의 눈물을 닦으며 신이 나서 대답했다.
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글쎄, 나 Fang Jifan … 정말 그렇게 생각해.
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Fang Jifan은 “사슴 세 마리에 대해 이야기하고 있습니다. “라고 경멸스러워 보였습니다.
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따뜻한 정자에서 Hongzhi 황제는 Xiao Jing을 포함한 모든 사람을 해고했습니다.
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반항은 그 누구도 감당할 수 없는 범죄입니다.
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그는 문득 생각이 나서 동행한 내시에게 “류반반”이라고 물었다.
프라그마틱 게임은 iGaming 업계의 선두 주자로, 모바일 중심의 혁신적이고 표준화된 콘텐츠를 선보입니다.
프라그마틱플레이
프라그마틱의 게임은 언제나 최신 트렌드를 반영하고 있죠. 최근에 나온 트렌드 중에서 가장 마음에 드는 것은 무엇인가요
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법을 개혁하고 이 새로운 정책을 추진하려는 사람들의 그룹에 뿌리를 내리십시오!
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아무도 술 취한 백곰에게 관심을 기울이지 않았습니다.
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이때 공주님은 이미 옷을 입고 일어 서서 연기가 나는 불빛 아래에서 Fang Jifan을 기다리고있었습니다.이때 홍지황제는 피곤한 표정으로 여전히 국정에 바빴을 것이다.
프라그마틱플레이의 슬롯으로 다양한 테마의 게임을 만나보세요.
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프라그마틱 관련 소식 항상 주시고 있어요! 또한, 제 사이트에서도 프라그마틱에 대한 정보를 얻을 수 있어요. 함께 발전하며 지식을 나눠봐요!
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뿐만 아니라 앞으로도… 사람들이 계속 이렇게 놀면 쌀값이…
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뿐만 아니라 Fang Jifan은 게시물을 게시하고 많은 명예 장관을 초대했습니다.
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모두가 놀라 쉬징의 손에 든 지도를 보고 깜짝 놀랐습니다.
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이때 그가 일어서서 이것에 신경을 쓴다면 그는 Li Long과 같지 않을까요?
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순식간에 봉황의 눈에서 범람한 눈물이 흘러내렸고, 온 몸이 떨렸다.
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무엇? 그의 아버지는 죽었고 새 왕이 왕위에 오르니 너무 성급합니다.
프라그마틱 플레이의 다채로운 슬롯으로 특별한 순간을 즐겨보세요.
프라그마틱 플레이
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그들은 바보가 아니지만 왜 그렇게 비참합니까?
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그래서… 그들은 황급히 절을 하며 말했습니다.
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왜냐하면… 거래의 규칙은 이미 정해져 있기 때문입니다.
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Ruan Wen과 같은 사람들은 Daming에 매우 유용합니다.
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이 사람들이 너무 많은 내부 자금을 버렸습니다.
흥미로운 게임과 슬릴 넘치는 모험을 찾아라, 프라그마틱 슬롯이 당신을 기다립니다.
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프라그마틱에 대한 내용이 정말 유익했어요! 또한, 제 사이트에서도 프라그마틱과 관련된 정보를 찾아보실 수 있어요. 함께 지식을 공유해보세요!
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Liu Jian은 근육과 뼈를 움직이고 이전보다 기분이 좋아 보였습니다.
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세계에서 가장 정치력이 좋은 군은 작년과 어깨를 나란히 할 수 있다는 점에서 나쁘지 않다.
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이것은 코친 주에 해당하며 이 주제를 다시 다룰 필요가 없습니다.
프라그마틱 게임은 iGaming 산업에서 선도적인 콘텐츠 제공 업체로, 슬롯, 라이브 카지노, 빙고 등의 제품에서 최고의 엔터테인먼트를 제공합니다. 우리는 모바일, 데스크톱에서 33개 언어와 화폐를 지원합니다.
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프라그마틱의 무료 게임 옵션은 정말로 흥미진진한데요. 어떤 무료 게임을 추천하시나요?
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Hongzhi 황제는 시선을 돌려 황금 왕좌 아래 서있는 Fang Jifan을 올려다 보았습니다.
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아무도 그에게 관심을 기울이지 않았고 심지어 많은 사람들이 그에게 말을 걸었고 더 이상 존경심이 없었습니다.
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Tang Yin은 고개를 들었습니다. “학생의 아내도 학생과 나쁜 관계를 가지고 있습니다.”
프라그마틱 콘텐츠 항상 기대돼요! 또한 제 사이트에서도 유용한 정보를 제공하고 있어요. 상호 교류하며 더 많은 지식을 얻어가요!
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프라그마틱 슬롯에 대한 정보가 정말 도움이 되었어요! 더불어, 제 사이트에서도 프라그마틱과 관련된 내용을 찾아보세요. 함께 이야기 나누면서 더 많은 지식을 얻어가요!
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Fang Jifan은 “내 조카가 사람들을 웃게 만드는 곳은 어디입니까? “라고 놀랐습니다.
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Xishan이 여전히 주저하더라도 Qi 가족에 의존하는 것만으로도 흐름을 바꿀 수 있습니다.
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한 곳이 번성하면 자연스럽게 다른 산업도 번성하게 됩니다!
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Fang Jifan은 “조심해야합니다. 선생님이라면 기억해야합니다. “라고 말했습니다.
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프라그마틱의 게임은 항상 최고 수준의 퀄리티를 유지하고 있어요. 이번에도 그런 훌륭한 게임을 만났나요?
프라그마틱 무료
프라그마틱의 게임은 항상 다양한 테마로 놀라워요. 이 사이트에서 더 자세한 정보를 찾아보세요!
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결국 신경 쓰면 혼란스러워지고 홍지 황제의 얼굴은 순식간에 칙칙해졌다.
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결국 이 사람은 일곱 명의 제자와 셀 수 없이 많은 제자가 있는데, 이 사람들이 너무 눈부신 것 아닙니까?
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“그리고…” Xu Pengju가 말했다. “손자는 여전히… 여전히…”
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이 아이야, 아주 어려보이지만 역시… 아직 어린애야.
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수백만… 이것은 거의 영원한 것입니다.
현재 프라그마틱 게임은 iGaming에서 선도적이며 독창적이고 표준화된 콘텐츠를 제공하는 주요 제공 업체 중 하나입니다.
프라그마틱 슬롯 무료
프라그마틱은 항상 훌륭한 게임을 만들어냅니다. 이번에 새롭게 출시된 게임은 정말 기대되는데요!
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素晴らしい洞察力で、非常に教育的な内容でした。
프라그마틱 게임은 정말로 혁신적이에요. 특히 슬롯 게임들은 항상 기대 이상의 재미를 선사합니다!
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この記事には心から共感しました。とても感動しました。
프라그마틱 게임은 선도적인 iGaming 콘텐츠 제공 업체로, 슬롯, 라이브 카지노, 빙고 등의 제품을 통해 고객에게 최고의 엔터테인먼트를 제공합니다. 우리는 20개 이상의 관할 지역에서 라이센스를 소지하고 있습니다.
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この記事から多くを学びました。非常に感謝しています。
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Zhang Mao와 Xu Yongning은 “나는 죽을 것입니다. “라고 절하고 유죄를 인정하느라 바빴습니다.
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강력한 함대가 천주에 도착하자 서둘러 보충하고 즉시 북쪽으로 향했습니다.
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“일어나!” Fang Jifan은이 쓰레기 인 Zhang Xin을 경멸하며 바라 보았습니다.
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하지만 지금은 나이가 들어서 그런 야간 투어를 할 기회가 많지 않다.
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実用的で役に立つ情報が豊富で、大変満足しています。
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이 사람은… 그런 결말을 바랐던 것 같아요.
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이 결핵 귀신이 세 단어를 말했을 때 그는 실제로 자신이 사악함을 느꼈습니다.
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마음대로 해도 돼, 나는 부등대 학자니까 눌러줘.
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実用的な情報が豊富で、とても感謝しています。素晴らしい記事です。
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갑자기… 소스 맛이 의외로 괜찮았다.
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このブログは常に期待を超えてくれます。いつも素晴らしい内容をありがとう。
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Fang Jifan은 등 뒤로 손을 대고 침착하게 말했습니다. “내일 Dengzhou에 가십시오.”
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素晴らしい記事でした！新しい知識をたくさん得られました。
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Zhang Ran은 사기를 높이기 위해 몇 번 웃었습니다.