The Orange County Interwebs Horror Show Reviews Are In

This week's collection of things on the Interwebs from or about Orange County includes netizen reviews of a car shop, a sandwich shop, UC Irvine dorms, hotspots for meet-ups, Fullerton City Council candidates, San Clemente's immigration checkpoint and Huntington Beach white boys who refer to themselves in the third person.

Asians and Anteaters The question for the experts, from someone coming to song camp, is, “How are the dorms at UC irvine?” “ASIAN” is the first answer, from God Dam. Race is also on the mind of sbinlb, who answers, “The dorms are very nice and new but UC Irvine is like 60% Asian.” It takes gomanyes to bring the discussion back to the topic at hand: “Don't think it matters that UCI is predominately Asian since [the inquirer] is asking about the dorms for summer camp when most of the students will be no where near campus.” The responder goes on to describe the campus as having many grassy areas, give a breakdown on what is in each dorm room and even point out Peet's, Starbucks, Ray's Pizza, In n Out and Lee's Sandwiches are across the street from campus. But chieromancer goes in a totally different direction: “My niece was in middle earth for a semester. Smallest room I've ever
seen! But otherwise okay. Cafe food was lousy. Kids went to class in
their pajamas. Oh, communal bathroom and the shower doors are clear, so
bring a HUGE beach towel and maybe some of those big clamps, to retain
your modesty. Safe area. Have fun.” Uh, what are the clamps for, mistress? (

Illustration by Jay Brockman

Just Passing Through Someone who's obviously whizzed past
the U.S. Border Patrol facility on the 5 freeway at the border of Orange
and San Diego counties asks, “What is the point of the San Clemente
immigration check point? They never check anything. They just wave
everyone through.” Corrects one responder, “Only if you are not
Hispanic, lol.” Naturally, the question brings the usual “our borders
are leaking; send this issue to your senator and representative” reply,
although one person advises, “Try going through in a van with the rear
axle loaded down and see what happens.” (

Let's Talk Turkey The Pumper Pickle sandwich shop in Santa Ana draws this short, unsweet answer to “What they do well”: “Double
entendre convinces people who've just had their oil changed across the
street that mediocre processed turkey roll cold cuts are worth checking
into: right here, right now.” (

Speaking of Cucumbers … To hear former Fullerton
resident-turned-current zinc prospector Desert Rat tell it, they should
not even hold an election in Fullerton this November. “The City Council
race of 2010 is already over. You will re-elect the
brain dead sea cucumber known as Don Bankhead–pension spiker, staff
stooge, abysmal decision maker. And you will also elect Pat
McKinley–poster boy for pension abuse, supporter of the hideous
repuglican de-jour, and yet another retired cop. And it won't even be
close. Bankhead, Dick Jones, McKinley; please contemplate that
of septuagenarian, lint-headed, RINO back washers and tell me why you
aren't in deep shit. Can anyone say gerontocracy? In the two-year seat
Bruce Whitaker has a chance, but let's face it:
he's up against a bankrupt and a carpetbagging food poisoner. Really, I
don't see how he can pull it off.” (

Your Friendly Neighborhood Vehicle Accident Lawyer Matchmaker The Law Firm of Sebastian Gibson advises, “The right Mission Viejo vehicle accident attorney makes all the difference, and so too can the right bar or place to drink.” However, the firm's list of “Best Mission Viejo Area 2010 Best Places to Meet Someone” (their title, not ours) might not sit well with the Mission Viejo Chamber of Commerce: “Here are our top choices. 1.) Mastro's, Newport Coast; 2.) Bandera's, Corona del Mar; 3.) Yard House, Newport Beach; 4.) Landmark Steakhouse, Corona del Mar; 5.) Beachfire Bar N Grill, Ladera Ranch; 6.) Javier's, Newport Coast; 7.) Tia Juana's, Irvine; 8.) Mosun, Laguna Beach; 9.) Mesa, Costa Mesa; 10.) O'Malley's, Seal Beach.” But the Mission Viejo chamber, and especially its bar- and restaurant-owning members, should not feel too bad. Elsewhere on the Interwebs, the Law Firm of Sebastian Gibson offers the exact same lists for its “Best Anaheim Hills Area 2010 Best Places to Meet Someone” and “Best San Clemente Area 2010 Best Places to Meet Someone.” (

Warning: It's a Looooong Trip Before You Reach the Point “If you're familiar with classic television's The Andy Griffith Show,
you probably remember when Goober of Wally's Filling Station just
outside of fictitious Mayberry disassembled an old Nash sedan and
reassembled it inside the sheriff's office troubleshooting a problem for
a customer. Goober was also assigned to be by the phone while Andy was
away on business. The big challenge for a befuddled Goober was both
watching the sheriff's office and running a filling station at the same
time. A pesky customer, who happened to own a Nash Rambler, had a noise
that wouldn't go away. Goober's job was to find and eliminate the
noise while listening for the phone. In order to both run a filling
station and watch the sheriff's office at the same time, he took that
old Nash apart and reassembled it inside the courthouse. Goober never
did find and eliminate that noise, but it sure got a lot of attention. And, you can imagine the kind of trouble he got into when Sheriff Andy
Taylor returned. You will just have to buy the complete set of Andy
Griffth Show DVDs to find out. We thought of that episode of Andy
when Paul Gammerino of Mustangs N Fast Fords O.C. (the “O.C.” stands
for Orange County) invited us into his business to look at a '66
Mustang fastback restomod these guys are building in their showroom
along Main.” (Mustang Monthly blog)

Bro Ha-Ha Today's topic–“White boys, from Huntington Beach, who refer to themselves in the 3rd person, suck!”–clearly enlivens Mike “Chef BashYoHeadIn (like a HOOLIGAN)” P., whose many comments include: “White boys from HB smell like a mixture of Axe and Mr. Zoggs with a hint of Pacifico on their breath” and, “Oh, I forgot to mention his Rusty flip-flops and white Von Zipper sunglasses.” He also critiques others leaving responses, as with, “I'm willing to bet that in eight years, KC is going to be driving a Dodge Caravan with a “Jack's Surfboards” sticker on the rear window, to his daughters' soccer games at Oceanview Elementary School while wearing an In-n-Out t-shirt, and Op cargo shorts. Mark my words.” And, to another thinking he can catch the eye of Surf City ladies, “Sorry, Francisco, unless your F250 truck is lifted higher than theirs, you are not attractive. You might score points if you wear some khaki Dickies shorts and black socks.” (yelp)

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