Over here at OC Weekly, we don't mind being labeled “super fans” when it comes to Pro Wrestling Hall of Famer, former bodyguard to the Shah of Iran, and the ruler of Twitter, the one and only Iron Sheik. Over the past year, he has become one of Twitter's most cultish figures, opining on everything from Nelson Mandela to Chris Brown to sporting events, all in a looping, hilarious narrative that fans of Howard Stern have long loved. Matter of fact (and to take a page out of the book of the man himself), if you don't respect the legend, then you can go fuck yourself. The Iron Sheik keeps it real, whether he is online or in person by letting his emotions fly verbally in the sweetest and/or the most cutting way. It's actually overly apparent (and hysterical) if he doesn't respect someone or something by watching him voice his opinion's on-line and letting those “all caps” fly. And for the record, that's just one of the reasons that we are #TeamSheikieForLife.
Another reason is because when he loves and respects someone, it's overly obvious as well. This is no doubt why he launched the new “Iron Sheik Alarm Clock” app that just hit iTunes yesterday. See, The Iron Sheik is a tough guy but, he also cares about some of your no good asses as well. Before you download his new app and let him wake you lazy mother fuckers up, we had a chance to talk to the legend himself and…Oh. My. God. After how “real” he kept it with us, well, we didn't think it was possible but we love him even more now–he is no Rice Krispies dick. Respect.
OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Before I go on and on about how much we love you on Twitter, I have to know about your new alarm app.
Iron Sheik: I now try to help the people who are the jabroni who eat the cheeseburger or are fucking lazy. I have the Iron Sheik app on the iTunes store. The Iron Sheik Alarm clock make you wake up and make you know if you don't get up, you are fucking lazy piece of shit low life. I help the people if they need the help. If you are cheap son of a bitch you can't afford to pay the fucking $0.99, than I never respect you anyway and you are not worth the fuck. You show me you need the legend help you start to become the real otherwise I suplex you. I put you in camel clutch and I break your back make you humble. Thank you and have a good day and go fuck yourself.
Hahaha holy shit that's brilliant! OK back to how Twitter obsessed everyone is with you. How long did it take you to get a hang tweeting?
Ali bubba, you ask me excellent question. The Twitter new generation and I am the old school. For long time I don't understand how many people talk on the fucking computer. I never understand internet. My intelligent Jew agent, he spend a lot of time with me so he explain and I speak from the heart. If I don't give a fuck about you, I tell you if you fucking jabroni. If you do good for the people in the world, I love you. The Twitter perfect for the legend because I tell people how I feel natural.
You keep it brutally honest when it comes to certain celebrities so we were hoping that you could give us some thoughts on a few people.
Miley Cyrus: SHE BIG TIME DUMB BITCH. SHE SHOW HER TONGUE LOOK WORSE THAN DEAD DOG. SHE BAD ROLE MODEL AND I WISH I CAN BREAK HER FUCKING NECK SUPLEX HER AND HER DOUCHEBAG FATHER.
Kim Kardashian: SHE EAT TO MANY CHEESEBURGER AND HAVE MOOSE ASS BUT SHE WITH MY FRIEND THE KANYE. I HAVE TO RESPECT HER. STILL I NEVER HAVE THE SEX WITH HER.
Bruno Mars: I love the Bruno Mars. He like the Bruno Samartino. He great show man he make the great music like the Rob Thomas and he know I am the legend. I love him forever.
Tony Romo: FUCK THE TONY ROMO. HE THE TONY PIECE OF SHIT NO GOOD RAISIN BALLS. He never do good for the intelligent Dallas team. All he do is fuck up and fuck up. I never respect him. He can go fuck himself forever.
Andrew Luck: He impress me BIG TIME. He not Luck. He the real. He know how to play the sport like the Peyton. He still young but he have chance to be next Iron Sheik class. I see him play with my cold beer and he impress me.
Andy Dalton: No matter what, he have the red hair and he a dumb red fuck piece of shit Cheetos dick. He look worse than baby midget squirrel. He fucked up and I never respect him. He need shave his head like Iron Sheik haircut so nobody see the fucking stupid ginger ass he have.
Ha! I seriously love you. These days there are a lot of on-line pussies that talk trash. What do you think when someone doesn't show you some respect.
I don't give a fuck what the person have to say about the legend. I am the legend not them. They not make the Hall of Fame World Champion. I don't waste my time on the fucking jabronis. If you don't like me I don't give a fuck.
Well put. So everyone loves music and even though I can't picture you rocking out with some Beats on, when you are driving or being driven, what kind of music do you listen to?
I love the music. I love the musician. The people I love best are the Rob Thomas. He better than the Michael Jackson. Also the Action Bronson do better than that dumb bitch Bette Midler. The Riff Raff my good friend, he love me. Also the Major Lazer my friend. I like the Black Keys, the Kings of the Leon, the Capital Cities, and the Boys to the Men. All the intelligent. They respect the legend and I respect them.
Is there any music that you absolutely hate and want to turn off the second the song starts?
That piece of shit cocksucker Michael Bolton music. He can go fuck himself till he die. Also the Taylor Swift. She too fucking dumb to know about the real heart. She need to get humbled old country way.
Ha! Best ever! Since you're so loved by your fans, I'm guessing the crowds were amazing during the “Roast the Iron Sheik” yeah?
My roast the best. My fans come because they know I am the legend. The roast sell out in the Carolines on the Broadway in most famous city in the world New York. We make all the people happy. Then we go to the Hollywood. They love me because I have big Iranian community and The Comedy Store one of best place I go. We sold out like the usual. I do it again in the Toronto. We sold out. Everywhere I go I sold out. What the fuck you think because I am the legend.
Which comics made you laugh the most?
Oh a lot of good people they do the roast. Best one for me the Brody Stevens. He like the Sheik son. Tony Hinchcliffe he do best job for me everywhere I go. The David Arquette. He can have sex with whoever he want. Morgan Murphy, I love her but still I never have the sex with her. Still she the best. The Jeff Danson. He fat piece of shit but better than nothing. My good friend the Sam Tripoli. All he talk about is the sex but still he good with me. The Mike Lawrence. He ugly son of a bitch but still he make the people laugh.
We wish you'd do one in Orange County by the way. Hint hint. So what's going on with the documentary, “Iranian Legend: The Iron Sheik Story?”
My movie better movie than The Notebook. The world first time ever see how the legend Iron Sheik become Iron Sheik. Everybody know Iron Sheik today. Nobody know about my life and I have lot of fan that want to see how I become most famous Iranian in the world. You see my up and the down and everybody be happy.
Trust me, seeing it would make us more than happy! Alright before I let you go, did you make a New Year's resolution for 2014?
The Ali, you ask very good question. Iron Sheik always do best to be number one in the world in something. My old day I be number one in the wrestling, now I try to be the number one on the Twitter. I do everything I can to humble anybody who fuck with good people and anybody who fuck with the legend. This way I do my best to show the world I always the legend.
You heard the man! Get on iTunes and download the Iron Sheik Alarm Clock app! You can get more info about the Iron Sheik and pick up some awesome merchandise on his website www.IronSheik.org and also, do yourself a BIG favor and follow him on Twitter @The_IronSheik.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.