Ever wait until the last second to buy candy to give out at Halloween? Gone are the convenient sacks with the Twix, the Kit-Kats, the Snickers, the Milky Ways, the M&Ms… all the stuff kids go for first. No, you're stuck with the second tier, with its Mounds and Almond Joys and Butterfingers, or even worse, the third tier, which has stuff that sounds like it just escaped from a 1960s-era cartoon.
Those candies that are located on the bottom shelf gathering dust at the Circle K, though, are sometimes pretty good. Here are five of the ones that deserve a place in your neighbors' kids pumpkins and pillowcases. (You're not really giving out raisins and nickels and those random strawberry-flavored hard candies–or, worse yet, candy corn–are you?)
5. Now and Laters
ever notice that you get that acid aftertaste after you eat a pack of
Starburst? Well, Now and Laters, for all that they're the candy of
choice for cheap bastards who give you exactly one of them, are just
like Starburst, except without that cotton mouth that follows.
many of the old-fashioned candy bars are being swept out by newer candy
bars that are pretty much the same thing. A Heath bar, for example, is
just a Skor bar without that Scandinavian name. (“And then Skor swung
his mighty crispy toffee, center, Buttarr…”) Well, Butterfinger isn't
like any of them, and it's a crunchy butter-flavored bar that doesn't
break your teeth. Well done!
love Rolos. They're just soft caramel and chocolate. That's it. No
nuts, no weird what-is-it-actually cookies, no extraneous crap. Just
caramel. And chocolate. And they don't come in "fun size”, either… so
if you actually get a roll of Rolos, you get quite a lot of that
caramel. And chocolate… did we mention the chocolate?
they're pretty much only seen covered by half an inch of dust in a
movie theater candy display that hasn't been touched since Arnold
Schwarzenegger's moobs started deflating, except at Halloween time, when
they appear in stores. The thing is, though, that these little
chocolate nubs with the white sugar nonpareils will get you on a sugar
high faster than anything that doesn't have the word "Pixy” in it. Just
don't read the ingredients.
1. Oh Henry!
ever admits to eating these, because just saying the name sounds like
you're having a genteel orgasm in some mansion at a stereotypical
Southern plantation, but they're really good. I mean, peanuts, caramel
and chocolate… what is not to like here? The problem is finding them
fresh, because that caramel will break your teeth if it's been sitting
out. Just leave it someplace warm and it'll soften right up.