Texas, what the hell happened to you? You used to be, you know, Texas: a proud stretch of state, a country unto its own that didn't need the rest of us to tell you how to live. Where Tejanos, African-Americans, Czechs, Germans, Poles, and a hella lot other people created one of the great regional cultures of America. Sure, you guys gave us Dubya (kind of) and LBJ, but you also rewarded the world with Nolan Ryan, Roger Staubach, and your cuisine: Tex-Mex, barbecue, chili, seafood from the Gulf of Mexico and Two Pesos v. Taco Cabana, the influential Supreme Court decision that ensured restaurants could never rip off their competitors' look ever again.
But now, your just a shadow of yourself. The Cowboys tanked last year, Tex-Mex's decline is so precipitous that Texas Monthly last year announced the rise of Mex-Tex, a cute term that only means Texan culture is on the skids, and poor Whataburger never could parlay constant shout-outs on King of the Hill into a national following.
And the worst part of it all? Y'all are going crazy over In-n-Out. In-n-Out–a California institution. California: your eternal opposite. By golly, if Sam Houston and his slave-loving ways were still around, he'd vamoose to Oklahoma.
In-n-Out just opened this week in Texas–in the Dallas region, to be specific, part of the Irvine-based chains new plans to extend beyond its Western base and to the rest of the country. Our sister paper, the Dallas Observer, has covered the story obsessively and awesomely, so much so that its five most-read stories right now are all about In-n-Out. Texas is newly in love with something us Californians have enjoyed for decades.
Really, Texas? Such hype over, you know, a burger? A burger that's fine, sure, but not even the best Orange County has to offer and nowhere near as glorious as Blake's Lotaburger next door to ustedes? I'd expect such yahoo reactions coming from people in Indiana or NYC hipsters, but Texans? The state that gave us the glory of proper grilling and the #12 combo platter, hold the queso? Sad, just sad. In-n-Out won't solve your state's budget deficit nor UT's quarterback situation. And I can tell you this much–when Dickey's, your state's national BBQ chain, tried to open in Orange County, we laughed you guys outta here within years. Californians, more provincial than Texans. What a world we live in!
On the other hand, what do we know? Your Mavs KILLED our Lakers…